


Pairing The Spares

by orphan_account



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Action, Angst, Breaking the Fourth Wall, But I Love This Idea Too Much, Comedy, Deconstruction, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Good Intentions, I'm Not Even Sure I Ship SeaSalt, Past Relationship(s), Romance, Sequel, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2018-08-31 04:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 35,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8563870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It seems like everyone in Beach City has someone to call theirs. Steven has Connie, Amethyst has Peridot, and Garnet has...Garnet. Everyone that is, except for Pearl. And Lapis. With a little bit of influence from Amethyst and Peridot, those two are going to end up spending a great deal of time together, whether they know it or not. What could possibly go wrong?It's the sequel to Field Testing!





	1. Happy Meep-Morp Day

**Author's Note:**

> Like I noted before, this work is a sequel. I would highly recommend giving the previous fic, Field Testing, a read before reading this one. (http://archiveofourown.org/works/7305796/chapters/16593367), although I will be trying my best to make the story cohesive and enjoyable enough without needing prior knowledge of the story that came before it, events from Field Testing will be referenced in this fic. If you don't want to be spoiled or confused, I'd definitely recommend at least giving Field Testing a skim through.

It was a cloudy, rainy day in Beach City. It was the perfect weather for staying inside, something Amethyst planned on doing long in advance. Amethyst had been vegged out on the couch for the better part of an hour, mindlessly absorbing whatever happened to be on tv. Peridot was curled up in her lap, idly tapping away at her tablet. Today was the kind of day that just made you feel tired. Amethyst and Peridot hadn’t even said much to each other despite sitting together for so long. Besides some idle small talk and Peridot questioning Amethyst’s choice in wearing white, they had simply enjoyed a peaceful near-silence. Amethyst stifled a laugh as she glanced down at Peridot’s screen. Apparently she’d discovered fanfiction last week, and like most of Peridot’s interests, it consumed a decent portion of her life. Amethyst’s eyes skimmed a few lines on the screen, making it evident that her girlfriend was reading a trashy shipping piece. Amethyst smiled at the opportunity.

“Hey Peri, whatchya reading?” Amethyst asked.

“The latest chapter of this…’fic’ I’ve been keeping up on. The plot is getting fairly intense.” Peridot replied.

“Really? Is everyone getting naked?” Amethyst laughed.

“Not yet, but anything is possible I suppose.” Peridot replied, not realizing that was supposed to be a joke.

“Why do you read that stuff? Isn’t the show enough for you?”

“These fan writers touch upon subjects that the show itself doesn’t. Such as the romantic aspects between characters that should obviously be together!” Peridot said, her voice rising.

“Yeah but,” Amethyst cut in, saving herself from another ship-induced rant, “wouldn’t be more fun to have some real romance, instead of reading about it?”

“What are you suggesting?” Peridot blushed.

Amethyst pulled Peridot into a kiss, forcing a surprised moan from her. Amethyst cradled Peridot’s head, keeping their kiss from breaking. Peridot managed to pull away for a split second, only to immediately steal another kiss in the next breath. The two sat there, trading kisses and enjoying each other’s presence with absolute joy. Their moment however, didn’t last very long.

“Must you two do that where anyone could see you?”

The two gems jumped, Peridot tumbling onto the floor. Amethyst smirked at the weary-eyed Pearl, “Heh, sorry P.”

“It’s fine just...please keep it appropriate. You never know when Steven’s going to come running back inside.” Pearl sighed.

“Pearl, what have you been doing? You look exhausted.” Amethyst inquired.

“Huh? W-what?” Pearl squawked “Nothing just...trying to make a phone call is all.”

“Oh yeah, right. Been talking to that mystery girl eh?” Amethyst grinned.

“I’ve been trying, but she hasn’t picked up once.” Pearl murmured.

“You’re getting ghosted? That sucks.”

“Oh it doesn’t matter anyway,” Pearl said with a look at Rose’s mural above the door, “I’m not even sure what I was expecting…”

Pearl silently left the house, walking out into the rain without a second thought. Peridot picked herself up off the floor, trying to process what exactly had happened. Suddenly, her tablet began to vibrate, making a few loud beeps at the same time. Peridot’s eyes widened at the reminder she had set for herself.

“Oh no, I forgot! It’s meep-morp day!”

“I thought it was tuesday.” Amethyst deadpanned.

“Same thing! I was supposed to gather materials, but I forgot! Lapis is gonna kill me!” Peridot panicked.

“Calm down nerd,” Amethyst chuckled, “I’ve got plenty of junk in my room you guys can use.”

“Oh, that’d be great! Come on, we don’t have much time, we have meep-morps to make!”

✮

Amethyst and Peridot threw the barn door open, both carrying armfuls of junk. They dumped the materials onto the ground, breathing sighs of relief as the weight left their shoulders. Amethyst rang the rain water from her hair as Peridot took a look around the barn. It was empty, not a sign that Lapis was there or had even been there recently. 

“That’s odd. Lapis never misses meep-morp day.”

“Maybe she forgot too?” Amethyst offered.

“It’s possible, but I doubt-”

Peridot was interrupted by the door being opened, a loud creak filling the empty barn air. Lapis trudged in slightly hunched over with her eyes on the floor. She slowly moved past both Amethyst and Peridot, barely seeming to notice them. Peridot ran in front of her with a warm smile, trying to intercept her path.

“There you are Lazuli! Amethyst has donated a large amount of materials for meep-morp day, so I was thinking-”

“Not right now.” Lapis breathed.

“...But..but today is meep-morp day!” Peridot whined.

“I don’t care.”

“Are you upset that you got caught in the rain during your flight? I know you’ve had a semi-ironic aversion to water for some time now, but I don’t think-”

“Just leave me alone! Why do you need to be so annoying?!” Lapis snapped, flying out the door with tears forming in her eyes.

“Yikes,” Amethyst said, “what was that about?”

“No idea. Lapis is usually moody but that was...different.”

Peridot clicked her tablet back on, thinking the internet could give her an inkling of what was going on. She was met with the paragraphs of fanfic she had been reading prior. Her eyes were drawn to the words, their meaning taking a few extra seconds to register in her mind. Suddenly, it hit her. Peridot got an idea, an awful idea. Peridot had a wonderful, awful idea.

“Nyeh heh heh, I think I know exactly what she needs! And Pearl too!” Peridot said triumphantly.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you and I have been happier since we got together. Perhaps if we can do the same for them, they could be happy as well!”

“Woah woah, Pearl and Lapis? Are you sure about that? I’m not sure they’re each others types.” Amethyst said doubtfully.

“Oh please, they’d be perfect together! They’re both moody..and...skinny. And..uh...regardless, if they aren’t going to tell us what’s bothering them, maybe they’d tell each other.”

“Well...I guess it could be worth a shot. Who knows? Maybe they’ll hit it off.”

“That’s the spirit!” Peridot cheered, “Now, we need to get to work on step one…”


	2. Pearl Tries To Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to notice in a lot of my works that I rapidly go from humor to depression to humor again. Not sure how to feel about that.

“Are you sure this is going to work Peridot?”

Amethyst looked on uneasily through a pair of binoculars at the barn, Peridot bouncing on her heels impatiently at her side. Peridot’s eyes glared through her own binoculars, desperately trying to keep hidden, only a few paces away from the barn she called home. Peridot kept her tablet close at hand, pages worth of notes typed on it. 

“Of course this will work! I told Pearl to meet me here to help me with a ‘project.’ When she sees I’m not there, she’ll strike up a conversation with Lazuli, and they’ll start to connect.” Peridot said confidently.

“What makes you say that?” Amethyst questioned.

“Simple,” Peridot said with gesture towards her tablet, “that’s how so many of these stories start. The couple has an awkward meet up, and they form a semi-uncomfortable enjoyment of each other’s company.”

“Yeah but how do you know she won’t just-”

“Shush! Here comes Pearl!”

The two gems ducked out of sight as Pearl approached. Pearl made her way inside the barn, her eyes narrowing a bit once she noticed Peridot’s absence. Lapis was tucked into a corner, flipping through a book silently, not even noting Pearl’s presence. After a few moments of hesitation, Pearl spoke up.

“Excuse me, Lapis? Have you seen Peridot?” she asked.

“Havn’t seen her all day.” Lapis replied, not looking up from her book.

With a shrug and a bit of a huff, Pearl turned and walked away. Peridot, still watching from afar, was frustrated to say the least. She quickly turned to Amethyst, flabbergasted at what she just saw.

“What is she doing?! She didn’t even talk to her!”

“That’s Pearl for ya,” Amethyst chuckled, “I think you might need a new plan.”

“No, no no, I can salvage this! Come on!”

Peridot grabbed Amethyst and ran from their hiding spot as fast as she could. Within a few moments she managed to get herself in front of Pearl, causing the taller gem to jump in surprise.

“Oh Peridot, there you are.”

“Yes uh...sorry about that. You should go back to the barn.” Peridot stammered.

“Aren’t you coming too?”

“No! Because..uh..Amethyst and I need to...gather more materials! From her room! For the project!” Peridot lied, her voice shaking.

“Oh. Alright. Are you sure you two don’t need help?” Pearl asked.

“No, no! Just...get back to the barn and stay there. We’ll be back!” 

Peridot pulled Amethyst along at a breakneck pace as Pearl walked back to the barn. The pair reequipped their binoculars and peeked inside the barn, hoping for better results this time. Pearl simply stood in the middle of the barn, hardly moving. She didn’t seem terribly interested in talking, and not particularly bothered by the awkward silence. Lapis hadn’t looked up from her book, either not noticing or caring that Pearl had returned unexpectedly. 

“These two are hopeless!” Peridot groaned.

“Look, Pearl’s not gonna just start talking to her. I don’t think they even have any common interests.” Amethyst said.

“Yeah well...they’re both so lonely, you’d think they’d want someone to talk to!”

“I know you’re trying to help, but I don’t think this is the way to do it.” Amethyst sighed.

“I suppose my sources could have been a bit...unreliable,” Peridot admitted, “perhaps I should...wait. What’s Pearl doing?”

Pearl had made her way close to Lapis, who still hadn’t looked away from the pages of her book. Pearl looked at her, her eyes flickering around uneasily. Although she was being silent in her judgement, Lapis still picked up on Pearl’s being.

“Can I help you with something?” Lapis deadpanned.

“You do realize you’re holding that book upside down, yes?” Pearl asked.

Lapis’ eyes darted between Pearl and her book, her face flushing a dark blue, “Uh..er..yeah. Of course.”

“Then...how are you reading it?”

“Oh...I uh...ugh,” Lapis sighed, “look, Steven gave me a bunch of these books but...I can’t read them. I usually just look at the pictures, but some of them don’t even have any!”

“You can’t read?” Pearl echoed.

“No, being stuck in a mirror and trapped in the ocean really cut into your reading time.” Lapis glared.

“Oh...right. Well, if you would like, I could teach you how to read.” Pearl offered.

“What?”

“I taught Steven how to read, and Amethyst. I’m sure I could teach you.”

Lapis narrowed her eyes at Pearl, almost looking insulted, “No, thanks. I’ll stick with this.”

“Oh...alright.”

Pearl turned away, a sting of guilt piercing her. It felt heavy, encumbering even. Pearl’s eyes began to well with tears, a feeling she had become wholly too familiar with in recent times. A vicious knot twisted in her stomach, her head beginning to pound. It all came so fast, Pearl wasn’t expecting any of it. Without thinking, she spoke again.

“Lapis Lazuli...I’m sorry. We didn’t know.” Pearl said with a cracking voice.

“What are you talking about?” Lapis spat.

“The mirror. I promise you, we had no idea you were alive. Between losing Rose and Bismuth, we would’ve given anything to have another ally. I know you probably won’t forgive us but...I want you to know we would have never left you like that had we known.” Pearl sobbed.

Letting her feelings out only gave Pearl a slight respite. Her entire being felt as if it was falling apart, an unbearable heat of anger and sorrow enveloping her. She wasn’t sure why she felt so bad, or why she felt the need to apologize so late after the fact. She didn’t have much of a connection to Lapis, but for some reason felt herself racked with guilt when she heard Lapis’ comments. A touch on her shoulder forced Pearl to look back up.

“Hey...don’t worry about it,” Lapis laughed awkwardly, “I’m...mostly over it. So uh, about that reading lesson…”

“Oh..oh yes! Of course! Let me see that book.” Pearl said as she wiped away her tears.

“Oh my stars, it worked!” Peridot cheered from her hiding spot, “We did it Amethyst!” Peridot grabbed Amethyst in a tight, enthusiastic hug.

“We didn’t really do anything Peridot,” Amethyst laughed, “but I guess they’re getting along. So now what? We just let them do their thing?”

“Oh my, no! This is only the early stage. We need to help push them along from friendship into romance,” Peridot explained, “luckily, you and I are a perfect example of a relationship. Our example should get them there in no time!”

“Wait, what? I’m pretty sure we should just leave them alone.” Amethyst suggested.

“We will, we will, for a while. Then, once they’re good and close, we’ll help them realize their true feelings for each other!” Peridot beamed.

“I’m starting to think this isn’t going to go well.” 


	3. Lost In Translation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You ever actually try to teach someone how to read? Like a little kid or something? It is not always the easiest task.

A gentle snow shower billowed over Beach City, blanketing the landscape in a cold wind. Peridot sat in one corner of the barn, mindlessly scrolling through her tablet, occasionally looking up to see the fleury. Although she was once enamored with Earth’s changing weather, there was something much more interesting catching her attention at the moment. Pearl had set up a large chalkboard in front of Lapis, who studied it from her hay pile. The board had a few gem symbols written on it, along with their closest english equivalents.

“As you can see,” Pearl began, “gem writing can be roughly translated into english. Most of the rules are more or less the same, you just need to learn the intricacies.”

“Uh...okay, sure.” Lapis mumbled.

“Here, take this,” Pearl said, handing Lapis a clipboard with a piece of paper on it, “this has each gem symbol and its translation, in alphabetical order.”

Lapis eyed the paper uncomfortably, “O-okay.”

Pearl quickly erased the chalkboard replacing it with different gem symbols, “This one should be simple. Write the english translation, as best as you can.”

“Just because I can translate doesn’t mean I can read.” Lapis huffed.

“I know its different than the way Homeworld taught us, but it’s what works.” Pearl replied.

Lapis begrudgingly made her way to the board. Her eyes flickered between it and the paper as she slowly wrote out the words. Pearl watched with a reassuring smile, not noticing Peridot giggling at them from behind her tablet. Lapis took a step back as soon as she finished writing, staring blankly at the board.

“Alright, I did it. I still have no idea what it says but, I did it.”

“Very good!” Pearl sang, “Allow me to help you read it.” Pearl traced a hand underneath the first letter, “Use the gem writing on top to try and sound it out with me. Ready?”

“L-laa. Laae..uh. No that isn’t right,” Lapis whispered, “uh…, lah..lay..”

“You’re almost there,” Pearl assured her, “just say it slowly, I promise you know this.”

“La..p. Lapez? No wait..it says...Lapis. Lapis Lazuli.” she finally said.

“Wonderful!” Pearl exclaimed, “See? You’re a natural at this!”

Lapis stared at the words in front of her with a sour expression, “I don’t like it.”

“W-what?” Pearl asked, caught a bit off-guard, “What’s not to like about literacy?”

“Not that. My name, it...doesn’t look right.” Lapis explained.

“Oh yes well, the different symbols do take a bit of getting used to, I suppose.”

“Everything around here is different,” Lapis sighed heavily, “Pearl I...need a minute.” 

Lapis marched outside into the snow without a second thought. Pearl stayed by the chalkboard, unmoving and unfazed. Peridot watched Lapis leave, immediately turning her attention to Pearl.

“What is wrong with you?!” she snapped, “Why aren’t you going after her?!”

“Pardon?”

“Can’t you see she needs someone to talk to? You’re never going to be her gir-uh...teacher, if you let her sulk around by herself!” Peridot squaked.

“You’re overreacting, she just needs to take a break from the work. She’ll be back momentarily I’m sure.”

“Why do you earth clods have to be so difficult?” Peridot growled, “If you don’t go after her, she’s probably going to fly off and not come back. Trust me, she has an annoying habit of only being around when you don’t need her.”

“Well...for the sake of her lesson, I should make sure she finishes.”

Pearl walked into the snow shower, holding a hand above her eyes. The biting cold wind felt unpleasant to say the least. Pearl forced herself to move forward, the idea of Lapis skipping out on her education more worrisome to her than any sort of frostbite. Her search seemed fruitless at first, Pearl wasn’t even sure what direction Lapis had gone, let alone where she was headed. But eventually, she managed to catch sight of Lapis a few feet away, readying to take off into the air. Without thinking, Pearl lunged forward, grabbing on to Lapis’ leg and sending both gems to the ground before they could gain any more than a foot or so of height.

“What was that for?” Lapis scowled.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you, but why are you trying to skip out on your lesson? I thought you wanted to learn?”

Lapis opened her mouth to speak, but no words came. She gazed off into the shivering distance, her eyes glossy, “I don’t expect you to understand.”

“Lapis, I can assure you that english isn’t worth getting this worked up over.”

“No, it isn’t that. Everything on Earth is so...different. I thought that once I got back to Homeworld, everything would be okay. But then, everything there was different too!”

Pearl shifted nervously where she stood, “Well...different doesn’t always mean bad.”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s good! The point is I don’t fit in! Not on my own planet, not on this new one, not...anywhere. Steven tries to help but...sometimes it just makes me feel worse.” Lapis weeped.

The two gems stood in silence for a brief moment, the wind finally settling down around them. With a deep breath, Pearl placed a hand on Lapis’ shoulder, “Listen, I do understand. I know what it feels like to be lost. But you’re situation isn’t helpless, you’re not alone, you have friends here.”

“That thing that I live with isn’t my friend.”

“Not her. When I first came to Earth, I had Rose. It was thanks to her that I could gain the strength to make it here, even once she...left.”

“So...what? You’re saying I need a Rose?”

“Well, I don’t think anyone could truly replace Rose but...having someone to talk to once in awhile might make you feel better.”

Lapis turned her eyes back towards the ground “I don’t know...I’m used to keeping this to myself.”

“Well I think it’s something to think about, at any rate. Now, may we return to finish your lesson?”

Lapis turned back to Pearl, cracking a tiny smile, “Sure, why not?” 


	4. Isolation For Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now matter how many people are in the room, sometimes you still feel alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay folks, holidays and all. But, now I can update again with our semi-regularly scheduled content. Enjoy!

Amethyst dug through the fridge, desperate to find something to eat. While technically there was plenty of food, Amethyst was trying to find the perfect thing to eat, whatever that may be. She was so enthralled in her search that she hadn’t noticed Peridot walk in, a wide grin on her face. Amethyst finally settled on simply eating everything out of the fridge like usual, scooping the contents of the refrigerator into her arms and shutting the door with her foot. Peridot walked over to her, quietly giggling to herself. Amethyst laid her food out on the counter, spinning around and nearly running smack into Peridot.

“Woah!” she yelped as she stopped herself short, “Didn’t see you there Peri. What’s so funny?”

“Lazuli kicked me out of the barn for the day.” Peridot smiled.

“You’re...happy about that?” Amethyst chuckled.

“She kicked me out because Pearl is coming! She’s been teaching Lazuli how to read for nearly a week now! Can’t you see? They’re bonding, just like I said they would!” Peridot explained excitedly.

“I don’t know Peridot, Pearl’s still kinda hung up on Rose. Whatever Lapis is planning probably won’t go over so well.”

“Nonsense, this is great!” Peridot insisted, “They’ll be together in no time!” Peridot wandered around aimlessly, gazing up at the ceiling as she talked, “I’m not sure what they’re doing, but this is one of the most important steps! Everyone knows that couples do their most important bonding in private, just like we did!”

“I just hope Lapis can keep her hands off of Pearl if she falls asleep.” Amethyst snarked.

Peridot stopped dead in her tracks, her voice dropping low, “We don’t talk about that.”

“Look, I know you wanna help, but I really don’t think Pearl’s gonna go for it. I wonder what they’re doing anyway….

*

“She sells...uh...sea shells...down by the..er..sea shore?” Lapis read from the blackboard with feigned confidence.

“Very good!” Pearl clapped, “You’re showing amazing improvement!”

The barn was littered with books and notes, the large blackboard taking residence in the middle of the room. Lapis surveyed her surroundings slowly, unmoving from her place in front of Pearl and the chalkboard. It was getting close to the second hour of today’s lesson, and Lapis was beginning to get antsy. It wasn’t easy to convince Peridot to leave, which was the only way Lapis was going to build up enough confidence to do what she had in mind. The last thing she needed was the jolly green nerd heckling her from her corner. Lapis’ mind snapped back to Earth when she noticed Pearl speaking again, a new sentence written on the board.

“Lapis? Aren’t you going to read it?” Pearl asked.

“Uh...do you think we could take a break?” Lapis replied, her eyes on the floor.

“Oh, of course. We have been doing this for a while.”

“Yeah, yeah...hey, Pearl. I wanted to...ask you something.”

“What is it?”

Lapis turned her head toward the ajar door, gazing at the snow-covered ground, “How long did it take you...to get used to...this?”

“Earth? Oh well, it took me quite some time. When I first arrived here this place was a battlefield.”

Lapis slowly walked over to the door, lingering in the frame. The cold air bit at her skin, causing her to shiver slightly. She watched her hot breath leave her mouth, evaporating quickly into nothingness. The bright blue sky was nearly painful to look at, not a single cloud obscuring the bright afternoon light. Lapis put her head down, unable to look at the scenery for another second. A recognizable and overbearing feeling of loneliness blanketed her, the entire room spinning. She gripped the wooden frame as stinging tears began to pool in her eyes. 

“I hate it here. After everything you and the other gems went through, how can any of you actually like it here?” Lapis grummbled.

Pearl walked over to Lapis, placing an apprehensive hand on her shoulder. Words failed her, her mind going blank. She knew how Lapis felt, in a way. Isolation, anger, sorrow, they were all familiar feelings Pearl had gone through for an uncomfortably long time. She still struggled from time to time, fragments of a shattered past still finding ways to crop up. The insurmountable feeling of loss when she first lost Rose, the feeling of dread when she learned of Homeworld’s return, even something as simple as getting used to having former enemies take residence so close to the temple, all were gotten passed and dealt with thanks to Steven and the other gems. Suddenly, Pearl came to a realization.

“You’re all alone, aren't you?” Pearl said without thinking.

“Well, besides Peridot and the pumpkin, yeah. I like hanging around Steven but…,” her eyes began to gloss over again, “all I do is get him in trouble.”

“Steven may be young, but he’s gotten very competent with his powers. Really, all the gems get him into trouble...although, it’s usually Amethyst.”

A small laugh forced Lapis’ sullen demeanor to crack, “I just...I wish I could have stayed on Homeworld. Away from Jasper and Earth and...everything.”

“I felt the same way. I begged Rose to reconsider her plan, to try and find some sort of compromise. But she stuck to her gut and, in a way I’m thankful. Earth may not be Homeworld, but it can be unbelievably beautiful.”

Lapis looked over to Pearl silently, her words echoing through her mind. She made a few slow steps back into the barn, Pearl unmoving from her position. Lapis fashioned herself a pair of wings from her gem, using them to throw herself at Pearl. Pearl braced herself for impact, to caught of guard to jump out of the way. Lapis hooked her arms around Pearl’s waist, bring her soaring into the sky with her. Pearl screamed in shock, causing Lapis to laugh heartily. The two flew over the barren trees, putting miles of distance between them and the barn in mere minutes. Pearl clung to Lapis for dear life, a cocktail of anger, confusion, and panic running through her veins. The stiff air bent and billowed around them, leaving both gems cold and nearly inaudible when they spoke.

“I want you to show me.” Lapis called over the sound of the howling wind.

“W-what?! Show you what?!”

“Show me how beautiful Earth can be, I want to see it!”

“I-I-If you insist!” Pearl screamed as Lapis picked up speed, “But I really wish you had just asked!”


	5. Sightseeing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had a couple of different ideas for this chapter, but then I realized it would end up being a rehash of the "Same Old World" episode, so I changed it up a bit. Not to spoil, but I'm definitely excited for where this is headed.

“Alright, land there!” Pearl instructed.

Lapis strained her eyes downwards, “What? In that field?”

“Yes, yes! This is the place!”

Lapis slowly lowered Pearl into the dense, hilly field. Small red berries grew as far as their eyes could see, contrasting brightly against the dark green grass and bushes. Lapis’ eye caught sight of a warp pad as she landed, slightly annoyed at herself for needlessly flying so far. In the distance, Lapis could make out the shape of several deep holes in the ground, each of varying size and depth. A warm breeze fluttered around them, a noticeable and welcome change from the weather back home. Although the place was pretty to look at, it all seemed a bit...pointless.

“So, what? Do people live around here or something?” Lapis huffed.

“Oh my no,” Pearl explained, “this place is quite far from any human civilization. This used to be a battlefield, but after a few thousand years, the foliage around here turned this place into a grand sight.”

Lapis apprehensively picked a strawberry and popped it into her mouth. The sweet flavor was almost overpowering, causing Lapis to scrunch her face slightly as she forced it down. She slowly wandered around, the grass soft and smooth under her feet. Her eyes surveyed the vast, open landscape with revulsion. She could practically hear the sounds of gem soldiers attacking one another, the claustrophobic feeling of hundreds of bodies haphazardly grouped together. Then suddenly, it was quiet, the sound of the gentle breeze filling her ears again. The near silence weighed on her like a ton of bricks, the air suddenly feeling thick and cumbersome to stand in. Lapis quickly took a step back, stumbling over a bush. Moments before she expected to hit the ground, she was stopped, the feeling of a hand on her back. Lapis hadn’t even noticed Pearl move to her, her mind finally calming down. She readjusted herself, forcing herself to stand again.

“Before this was a battlefield, what was here?” Lapis wheezed.

“Er...I’m not sure. Probably just a normal field if I had to guess. Why?”

Lapis shook her head slightly, taking a side glance back to the berry-laden field, “Steven told me about how everything around here, everything on Earth, always changes. I think he was trying to make me feel better but-” Lapis paused for a moment, a sudden hitch in her voice drowning out her words, “but it’s...weird. I don’t like it.”

“Well,” Pearl said slowly, “I for one would rather this be a normal field than a battlefield.”

“I don’t mean it like that,” Lapis insisted, “I just...ugh.”

Lapis shivered as if someone had poured ice down her back, unpleasant memories forcing their way into the forefront of her mind. Pearl stared at her somewhat blankly, attempting to piece the problem together in her head. She edged herself slightly closer to Lapis, who immediately backed off as fast as she could. She gave Pearl a dark glare before letting her eyes fall to the ground again. Pearl could see the swirl of emotions on Lapis’ face so clear it might as well have been painted on. Anger, confusion, denial, a burning desire to get away from, well, everything. It was almost nostalgic in a way, the feeling of turmoil that seemed endless, day in and day out. Pearl took a deep breath, thinking for a long moment about her words.

“Lapis Lazuli, if you ever need someone to talk to, you know I’m willing to listen.” Pearl finally said.

Lapis looked back up at Pearl, slightly surprised, “It’s just...Homeworld. Everything there is so advanced and different I...I could barely even find my way around when I finally got home. I spent so long trying to get back and...it’s like I was on the wrong planet.” Lapis spat out her words as if they were toxic, “A-a-and now, I’m stuck here and I don’t know how anything works or why it’s all changing and I-I...I…!”

Lapis was cut off by Pearl rather abruptly. Pearl hadn’t spoken, but she hadn’t needed to. In one swift movement, Pearl closed the distance between her and Lapis, embracing her in a tight hug. Lapis weakly struggled for only a second, the shock wearing thin in only a few seconds. Lapis could feel hot, frustrated tears running down her face, her entire body feeling as if it were locking up. She cried quietly into Pearl’s shoulder, angry at herself for getting so heated in the first place. Pearl didn’t mind, or at least, she didn’t seem to mind anyway. 

“I have something I want to show you,” Pearl said quietly, “I was going to take you to Rose’s fountain but, this will help you more.”

Lapis met Pearl’s gaze as she dried her tears, “How far do I have to fly?”

“Nonsense,” Pearl laughed, “we can take the warp pad.”

*

A white hot light beamed from the stone circle that sat within the dense forest. Pearl and Lapis silently stepped off the pad, Pearl leading Lapis forward. Lapis looked around in bewilderment. The trees looked completely different from any near the barn, having black wood and muted pink leaves adorning their branches. The distant sound of rustling implied there were at least animals of some kind nearby, but there didn’t seem to be any humans anywhere close to wherever they were. The dirt beneath their feet was soft and warm, almost unnaturally so. The bright blue sky held not a single cloud, the sun beating down on the two gems as they continued their hushed hike. 

“So…,” Lapis said, finally breaking the silence, “where exactly are we going?”

“On the other side of this forest, there’s a lake. Rose showed me this place when we first arrived on Earth, I’m not even sure Garnet knows about it. It’s peaceful and private, we used to come here all the time together. It’s a nice spot to relax, I figured you’d like to see it.” Pearl explained.

“That sounds...nice I guess.” Lapis continued to walk, an awkward question refusing to leave her thoughts, “So were you and Rose like...together, or?”

Pearl couldn’t help but laugh, “Oh Rose and I had a very complicated relationship, it would be pretty difficult for me to-Wh-what the?!”

Pearl stopped dead in her tracks as she reached the lake. The forest opened up into a gigantic valley, a ring of trees surrounding the crystal clear lake. Jutting out from the middle of the lake was a large metal tower, at least fifty feet in height. Six small, gray cubes orbited the silver and black contraption, seemingly at random. The tower looked as if it was constructed out of small metal pillars, ending at the top with a fine point. Pearl stared at it, mortified. She only had a foggy idea of what she was looking at, but it hardly mattered. What mattered was seeing Rose’s lake tainted by some sort of monstrous machine. 

“I’m guessing this isn’t normal.” Lapis sighed.

“No, it isn’t,” Pearl said through gritted teeth, “it looks like some sort of Homeworld communication hub. But what’s it doing all the way out here?”

“Does it really matter? Let’s just get rid of it before I have to play another game of baseball just to save my annoying roommate.” With that, Lapis took to the air and flew towards the tower.

“Right behind you.” Pearl growled, summoning a spear.

The cubes that floated around the tower stopped in midair, seemingly aware of Lapis’ presence. They flipped and turned in unison, each one adorned with a bright red “X” on one side. Without warning, each cube fired a laser at Lapis, knocking her out of the sky. Using her wings, Lapis was able to narrowly avoid plunging into the lake below. The cubes flew towards her at a breakneck pace, firing at random intervals. Lapis zipped through the air as quickly as her wings would allow, dodging around lasers left and right. Pearl hucked a spear as hard as she could, striking one of the cubes hard enough for it to fall apart in a mess of gears and wires. The remaining five turned their attention towards her, firing whilst remaining stationary in the air. Pearl blocked the projectiles with her spear, reflecting the lasers harmlessly away from her. The robotic enemies refused to let up, giving Pearl no leeway to move in for another attack. A teal blur collided into the cubes, knocking them towards the ground. Lapis grinned at Pearl as she watched her viciously destroy them, each one being dismantled by powerful strikes of her spear. Pearl’s face began to flush as she exhausted herself, tears forming in her eyes.

“Stay away from my lake you...you...stupid robots!” Was the best the agitated gem could muster.

Lapis landed deftly next to Pearl, “Pearl, it’s okay. They’re broken.”

“...Right,” Pearl said, taking a moment to regain her composure, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get so emotional. This place is important to me and I...anyway, we should destroy this tower before Homeworld can make use of it.”

Lapis silently raised a hand, the water around the tower ebbing away from it slowly. The lake began to rise and fall, mighty waves forming on its surface. A titanic wave rose up, crashing down onto the tower, reducing it to rubble in a split second. The water quickly became still again, the pieces of metal and machinery either sinking to the bottom of the lake or flying off into the woods. 

“I took care of it for you.” Lapis said, a small smile on her face.

“Lapis,” Pearl said weakly, “thank you. 


	6. Water, Metal, and Plastic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we go from depression, to sex jokes, to depression again.
> 
> So you know, 90% of what I write.

Pearl gazed out into the now still lake, its crystal clear water shimmering in the sunlight. Her stomach was twisted into a rock-hard knot, a cold sweat running down her back. She couldn’t help but flinch slightly as she watched small pieces of machinery float along the water’s edge. Lapis stood next to her quietly, doing her best to asses the situation. Both of them knew what had to be said, but neither wanted to say it.

“So...what now?” Lapis said slowly.

“Well, now that we know that...Homeworld has been here, we should go tell Garnet.”

“What good will that do?”

Pearl twitched her head around in a panic as she tried to steady her thoughts, “W-w-ell, Garnet is...she usually...oh dear..”

Lapis shifted uncomfortably in place as she watched Pearl squirm, “I didn’t mean to upset you. But I already destroyed all their equipment, what more is there to do?”

Pearl took in a long breath, tightening her fists as she regained as much composure as she could, “There’s a good chance that Homeworld will notice their machine is broken, assuming it was a communication hub of some sort. They may send gems here to fix it, or worse, find out who broke it. Garnet can help us put together a plan in case that happens.”

Lapis waved a hand lazily towards the lake, causing a bubble of water to float over to her with a few of the tower’s pieces suspended within it, “Peridot might be able to tell us what this stuff is. Once we know for sure, then we can panic.”

“That..does make sense. I suppose we should get all the information we can before anything else.” Pearl let out a few shaky breaths as her nerves slowly died down, “How do you manage to stay so calm all the time Lapis?”

“When you’re pretty much dead on the inside, nothing really gets to you.” Lapis responded with a blank expression.

After a long, awkward silence, the duo began their trek back to the warp pad, their floating bubble of wreckage in tow. Pearl followed behind Lapis closely, her heart sinking a bit as she walked. Lapis seemed to go from “full of energy” to “somehow more depressed than Amethyst” at the drop of a hat. In a way she could relate, Pearl often found herself feeling hopeless or lost as well. As much as she wanted to help, a large part of her believed that Lapis wouldn’t accept it for one reason or another. Pearl had brought her out here to show her that Earth could be a beautiful place, but now all she could think about was Homeworld. Lapis barely seemed fazed. Whether that was an act or a simple lack of self preservation remained to be seen. The stirring thoughts in Pearl’s mind made the walk back seem like an eternity, but eventually her and Lapis made it back to the warp pad. Pearl took one last look at the forest behind her, the setting orange sun glowing beautifully against the horizon of jet black trees.

“Let’s go.” Pearl sighed as they warped back to the house.

Pearl and Lapis reappeared in the house in a split second, Lapis’ bubble nearly bursting as they touched down. Lapis took to various bits of metal into her hands, releasing the lake water into a fine vapor in the air. The two gems made their way into the main part of the house, only to freeze up when they began to hear strange sounds coming from somewhere outside their field of vision.

“Oh...Oh my stars Amethyst!” It was Peridot, her voice sounding strained.

“You’re getting better at this Peri,” Amethyst chuckled, “I guess I won’t have to go so easy on you anymore.”

“You were never...ergh, easy to being with!” Peridot protested.

Lapis and Pearl exchanged a horrified glance as the unseen gems continued talking, their voices intertwined with the sounds of grunting and the creaking of a mattress, “You like that Peri?”

“No! Not in the slightest!”

“Haha, well too bad! Because...here..it...comes!”

“No no no! Not with the bomb!”

“BOMB?!” Lapis and Pearl shouted at once.

Pearl jumped into the living room, spear in hand, “What sort of devious acts are you two doing in here?!” she shouted.

She found Amethyst and Peridot hanging off in Steven’s bed, playing Super Smash Bros Melee on his gamecube. They were clad in their pj’s, a black camisole and purple sweat pants for Amethyst and oversized white t-shirt with a cartoon alien face on the front for Peridot. Judging by the frustrated look on Peridot’s face, she just lost, likely not for the first time that night. Pearl’s spear faded away as she marched up to Steven’s room.

“Where’s Steven?”

“Sleeping over Connie’s, he was gonna tell you but you and Lapis were on your date or whatever.” Amethyst said without taking her eyes off the tv.

“We were not on a date!” Pearl squawked, “We were destroying Homeworld technology!”

Peridot dropped her controller and and looked up at Pearl, “What are you talking about?”

Lapis waltzed up the steps and handed the somewhat broken machinery to Peridot. She studied it for a moment, turning it over and inspecting every inch of metal she could see. She looked over every piece silently, the only sound coming from the paused video game.

“Was this originally part of a large tower, guarded by cubic robotoids?” Peridot asked as she set the pieces onto the ground. 

“Yes!” Pearl jumped, “Do you know what it is?”

“It’s nothing to be terribly concerned about, the construct you found is meant to measure light energy in the surrounding area. In other words, it looks for gems.”

“How is that nothing to be worried about?!” Pearl shrieked, “Homeworld knows we were there now!”

“Calm down, the signal takes time to go from one planet to another, I can simply reconstruct the tower and set it to give Homeworld a false signal.”

“You can? That’s wonderful! Although...it would be dark there by now, so we should go in the morning. Do either of you know where Garnet is?”

“Secret mission.” Amethyst replied, “Said she wasn’t gonna be back for a for few days.”

“Looks like we’re going to have to do this one on our own then.” Pearl grimaced. 

Amethyst held up a pair of gamecube controllers, “Come on P, relax. How ‘bout you and Lapis play a few rounds with us?”

Somewhat reluctantly, Pearl took a seat on the floor next to the bed and took a controller. She looked up at Lapis, “Aren’t you going to play?”

Lapis glimpsed at the screen with an uncertain look, “...I think I’m just gonna head back to the barn.”

“Aw come on Lazuli, do you really want to go sit around by yourself?” Peridot chided as she picked her character.

“Now now, if she doesn’t want to join in there’s nothing wrong with that. Lapis, I’ll come get you at the barn in the morning so that we can return to the lake.”

Lapiss eyes shifted between Pearl and Peridot for a few long seconds before she plopped onto the floor next to Pearl, “It’d be easier for me to stay here. Give me a controller.”

Lapis managed to pick up the controls rather quickly, something that impressed and annoyed Peridot to a fair degree. Pearl spent the first couple of rounds judging the game for its violence, her opinion being silenced when Amethyst reminded her she had literally spent the afternoon engaging in violent robot fighting. The four played long into the night, the sound of buttons clicking and voices laughing and bantering echoing into the quiet night. It wasn’t all smooth sailing, such as when Peridot nearly sent her controller through the television after Pearl managed to take her out in a sudden death round, or when Lapis picked Poke Floats four times in a row before anyone could stop her. But besides a few bumps here and there, they all managed to have a pretty fun time. It was nearly two in the morning when they finally stopped. Amethyst stood up with a degree of difficulty, lifting an unconscious Peridot into her arms.

“Looks like this one wore herself out, goodnight guys.” Amethyst laughed as she disappeared into the temple.

Lapis and Pearl sat alone for a moment before Lapis spoke up, “I uh..take it you’re leaving too?”

“Oh I don’t usually sleep.” Pearl explained, “But...can I ask you something?”

“Sure I guess.”

“Why did you stay? You didn’t have to if you didn’t want to.”

“I told you, it’s just easier if I stay here tonight. I don’t need Homeworld stomping around here again.”

“You had no other reason? Just convenience?”

“Well...I guess I did want to play this weird game, at least a little bit. Peridot told me it was fun.”

“I didn’t take you for one who would enjoy this kind of thing.” Pearl admitted.

“I’ve never really tried,” Lapis shrugged, “I...I don’t know. I guess I just like to try stuff to make me happy. Doesn’t always work but…” her voice tailed off.

“Oh...I’m sorry Lapis. I didn’t mean to-”

“Don’t worry about it.” Lapis interrupted, “I’m...I’m gonna try and get some sleep. You don’t think Steven would mind if I borrowed his bed do you?”

“I doubt it.” Pearl said as she rose to her feet, “Goodnight Lapis.”

“Goodnight Pearl.” 


	7. Smiles and Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got written and re-written at least three times. Not super relevant to the story, just felt like sharing. Enjoy~

Peridot’s eyes slowly blinked open, quietly yawning as she began to wake up. She looked around for a brief moment, her tired brain taking an extra moment to process what she was seeing. She was in Amethyst’s room, more specifically her bed, despite having no memory of going there last night. The bed was kept in a fairly large clearing within Amethyst’s cavernous room, the only space that wasn’t covering in literal piles of junk. Amethyst was still asleep next to her, her arms lightly wrapped around Peridot’s body. Peridot laid her head back down onto the pillow smirking as she took another look at Amethyst. She was dead asleep, her body only moving when she snored. Sleep was still very interesting to Peridot, despite having done it herself more than a few times at this point. Watching someone wake up or do something in their sleep was actually a bit unsettling at first, it seemed unnatural. Peridot’s grin widened as she began to move. She wriggled and squirmed in Amethyst’s grasp, faking like she was trying to get out of bed. She could feel Amethyst’s grip tighten before being pulled and held close against her sleeping body. 

Amethyst clung to Peridot tight enough to keep her from moving, not that Peridot was in any position to complain about it. Peridot chuckled quietly to herself, as she did whenever she found herself in this situation. Perhaps it was because seeing a quartz soldier use her as a teddy bear was humorous to her, or maybe it was the feeling of butterflies in her stomach forcing the laughs out. Either way, Peridot closed her eyes and slipped her arms around Amethyst body as best as she could, trying to force away the thought of Pearl and Lapis’ findings. Peridot refused to allow their paranoia to get in the way of one of her favorite things Earth had to offer. Peridot half-smiled as another thought crossed her mind.

“Maybe those two ought to try this,” she thought, “then maybe they’d get off my back.”

*

Pearl stood atop the tallest fountain in her room, organizing her collection of swords. Her fingers lightly grazed the ice cold metal, the blades forming a ring around her. She checked over every last weapon before sending them back into the water below, letting out a pained breath as she did so. Pearl rubbed her eyes, a heavy fatigue taking a hold of her. Her heart felt as if it were stuck in her throat, her body trembling like a brittle leaf. Her legs felt as if they were encased in cement, unable to move even the slightest bit. She took a few unsteady breaths, forcing herself to take a few laborious steps. Her nerves were engulfed in a flame of unease and anguish, reducing her spirit to a pile of melancholy ash. Her mind gave her horrific, ghastly images throughout the night. Images of the gigantic tower rising from the lake, calling down hundreds of Homeworld ships. Pearl felt sick to her stomach, falling to her knees as the last bit of hope left her. She pulled her arms around herself, sobbing quietly.

“Rose...I’m sorry. T..that place meant so much to you and..I..I let them take it...”

Pearl looked up at the empty space she was conversing with, her entire being bogged down by a burdensome feeling of loneliness. She brought her hands to the water below, blankly watching it flow between her fingers. Tears streamed down her face as she tried with all her might to clear her mind, to try and think about something, anything else. How on earth could everyone else remain so calm? Even Peridot dismissed the idea with barely a second thought. Pearl had expected her to panic, or at the very least, be scared at the thought of Homeworld making another appearance. Pearl sent her fist through the water in a fit of aggravation.

“Why?! Why am I like this?! How am I the only one who’s panicking?!” Pearl attacked the water a few more times, her hits becoming weaker and weaker.

Pearl’s mind was a clouded, jumbled mess. She couldn’t decide if she was overreacting, or if the others were underreacting. No matter what the answer was, the feeling of confused anger clung to her like humid, muggy air. Pearl wiped the tears away as her mind drifted to the previous night. She almost hated to admit it, but playing those mindless games actually made her feel a bit better, for a while at any rate. She thought she even noticed Lapis cracking a smile once or twice. Pearl’s heart sank as she remembered how the night ended. “I guess I just like to try stuff to make me happy.” That was the last thing Lapis had said to her that night before heading to bed. The words echoed in Pearl’s mind, stinging the back of her eyes. Was it possible that Lapis knew how she felt? How sometimes it felt like everything was pointless? How sometimes it seemed easier to not do anything at all, fearing what might happen if you even try? Pearl forced herself to stand, wiping the last bit of moisture from her face.

“Lapis Lazuli, you don’t deserve to feel the way I do. No one does.” Pearl took another solitary glance around her room, “I really need to stop talking to myself.” she said as she leaped down the water, falling into Amethyst’s room below.

*

Lapis’ eyes popped open as she sat up with a start. She frantically looked around the room, taking an extra minute to figure out where she was. Lapis let out a sigh of relief when she remembered that she had spent the night at Steven’s. She moved from the bed, walking down the steps and glancing out the window. The sun had barely risen, the brilliant colors of the sunrise still burning away. Lapis sat down at the end of the steps, slowly rubbing her temples. 

“Please hurry up.” she whispered to herself.

The house was empty, aside from herself. This left Lapis in one of her least favorite situations, being alone with her thoughts. Like most of the other nights she attempted to sleep, last night was more or less restless. Whether it was nightmares, stress, or something as simple as an annoying thought that wouldn’t seem to go away, something always kept Lapis awake. Last night was the latter, as several annoying thoughts kept Lapis’ mind busy long into the night. Her stomach did flips as she thought about the tower, the look of horror on Pearl’s face after they destroyed it burned into the back of her eyelids. Lapis tried to take solace in Peridot’s words, that setting it back up to keep Homeworld away from them would be easy. As annoying as she was, Peridot at least knew what she was talking about. Lapis let out a heavy sigh, running her fingers through her dark blue hair. A few smaller thoughts floated around Lapis’ mind as well, although they were mostly inconsequential, such as worrying about Steven at Connie’s house or wondering why exactly Amethyst thought she would be on a date with Pearl. 

“Oh please,” Lapis coughed, “as if that would happen.”

Lapis shot up as the temple door opened. Pearl, Amethyst, and Peridot made their way out.

“Aw come on P,” Amethyst moaned, “can’t we at least have breakfast first?”

“No, Amethyst! Once Lapis wakes up we need to-” Pearl’s eye caught Lapis standing in the middle of the room, “Oh uh...good morning Lapis.”

Lapis gave a simple wave, her expression unchanging, “So...are we going?”

Peridot held up a bright red toolbox in one hand, “All we need is for Pearl to show me the way, and I can rig that machine up no problem.” Peridot said confidently.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t wait for Garnet? Or Steven at least?” Amethyst asked.

“There’s no time.” Pearl breathed, “We need to go, now.”

*

A beam of light burned through the warp pad, illuminating the shaded forest for a brief moment. The four gems stepped off, hurriedly rushing to the lake in the center. Well, Pearl was rushing, everyone else more or less followed from a considerable distance. Lapis stayed further behind than everyone else, mindlessly eyeing the black trees.

“So...what, was this like you and Rose’s secret make out spot or something?” Amethyst laughed.

“I’m not in the mood for your jokes Amethyst.” Pearl grumbled, still looking straight ahead.

“For the last time, there’s nothing to worry about.” Peridot sighed, “Even if Homeworld was coming, we’ll be done and out of there long before any of the Diamonds could send a ship.”

Pearl opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by Lapis soaring overhead, “I’ll scout up ahead, just in case.” she said before flying towards the lake.

Peridot looked at Amethyst with a goofy smile, eliciting a silent eye roll in response. Peridot sprinted to catch up to Pearl, “Gee, seems like Lapis really likes you.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, she usually doesn’t do anything for...well, anybody that isn’t Steven. You didn’t even need to ask her for help.” Peridot snickered.

“Lapis just wants to get this over with, same as the rest of us.”

“I’m just saying, Lapis seems to have taken a shine to you is all. Who knows, maybe someday you two could-HURK”

A large hand made of water snatched the three gems, yanking them to the edge of the forest in an instant. Lapis stood at the edge of the lake staring down at the water dismally. She set the other gems down next to her, silently forcing all the water in the lake to float in the sky just above it. A few hundred pieces of metal were left behind in the dirt below, a reminder of the turn yesterday took.

“There. Fix it, send the signal, and let’s get out of here.”

“While I appreciate the help, I don’t need to rebuild the whole tower just to send a fake signal,” Peridot insisted with a shake of her tool box, “I have everything I need right here.”

Lapis grabbed Peridot by the hair and hoisted her up to eye level, “Get. The garbage. Out of the lake. Now.” she commanded.

“Alright, alright!” Peridot whined as Lapis dropped her.

Peridot and Amethyst moved to the lake bed to remove the foreign material. Pearl tried to follow, but Lapis stopped her, insisting she stay with her. Peridot looked back and forth between herself and Lapis, giggling.

“Do you see that?!” Peridot whisper-shouted to Amethyst, “She doesn’t even want Pearl leaving her side!”

“Peridot, I’m pretty sure they’re both a little messed up by this whole thing. I doubt they’re thinking about macking on each other right now.” Amethyst said.

“Nonsense! Did you see the way Lapis got so defensive about this stupid lake? Lapis barely cares about anything!”

“Yeah...so?”

“So, she cares about it because Pearl cares about it. Is this not obvious to you?”

“Peridot, I really think you’re reading too deep into this.” Amethyst persisted.

“Unlikely. It’s obvious that my plan worked, and soon, they’ll be happily together. I wonder what they’re even talking about.”

Pearl and Lapis silently watched the other two gems clean up the lake bed. Lapis kept one arm outstretched, keeping the lake water motionless above them. Pearl watched uneasily, paranoid that Lapis might drop it and ruin the lake. Peridot and Amethyst moved the scrap to the shore, forming a large pile at the edge of the lake. Peridot sat down next to the pile and began working, welding and hammering various pieces of machinery together.

“Do you think they need help?” Pearl asked quietly.

“Nah, she’s got it.” Lapis said as she dropped the water back into place.

“Hopefully she can rig this thing soon, I really don’t want to hang around here much longer.”

Lapis coked an eyebrow at her “I thought you liked it here?”

Before Pearl could respond, Peridot called for her attention, “Uh Pearl, when was the last time you came around here before yesterday?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Because this tech is older than I thought it was. Homeworld would never be using this stuff now, in fact, I don’t even think this contraption was in working order when you two found it!”

“W-What? But those robots attacked us!”

“Yes, I took another look at them,” Peridot said, tossing a waterlogged cube to Pearl’s feet, “these cubic robonoids are a good three of four models older than I originally guessed. They only activate when the machine whose frequency their synched up to begins to malfunction.”

“I...I don’t follow.”

“This machine has been here for years, and it was already broken before you got here. Homeworld stopped paying attention to these models before the war with Earth even ended.”

“Does that mean I can go back to bed?” Amethyst groaned.

Lapis took a step forward, “Pearl, how didn’t you notice this thing was here earlier?”

“It...has been sometime since I’ve been here is all. The last time I was here...well, so was Rose.” Pearl admitted with a hitch in her throat.

Lapis looked at Pearl disbelievingly, the gears in her head slowly turning. She looked past Pearl to get a better view of Peridot and Amethyst, “You guys can leave if you want, Pearl and I need to talk.”

“You do?” Peridot said excitedly.

“We do?” Pearl jumped.

Amethyst gathered up all the metal junk in a bubble and scooped Peridot up under one arm, “Come on Peri, you can help me throw this onto a pile.”

Amethyst and Peridot walked off into the forest, leaving Lapis and Pearl alone. Pearl shifted awkwardly where she stood, suddenly very aware of Lapis’ gaze. Lapis set down next to the water’s edge, taking another look at the lake. Pearl apprehensively sat next to her, unsure of why she felt so nervous.

“I thought it might be nice, you know, to hang out with out robots trying to kill us.” Lapis explained.

“Oh! Y-yes of course!” Pearl squeaked, “It’s such a relief to be rid of that horrid contraption.”

“I guess,” Lapis said, her eyes lowering to the dirt, “it almost freaks me out more, to be honest.”

“Why?”

“You saw that thing. It was huge, and those things flying around it nearly killed us. That stuff is outdated.” Lapis shivered despite the warm air of the forest, “Homeworld is so...advanced now. The other Lapis Lazuli’s probably don’t even look like me anymore…”

“Why would you want to look like them?!” Pearl shouted, causing Lapis to jump. “Why would you want anything to do with Homeworld?”

Lapis recoiled back as if Pearl had just slapped her in the face, before slumping down with her eyes back to the ground, “I...I know Homeworld did some bad things. Really bad things. But...it’s all I ever knew. When I went back there...I didn’t even recognize the place. I was outdated, worthless...” Lapis’ voice trailed off for a moment, her words trembling, “I had more use as a part of that fucking mirror!”

Lapis hugged her knees to her chest, burying her face between them. She began to sob, her entire body heaving with movement of a collapsing mountain. The sounds of her pained cries echoed through the trees, filling the mild air with an insurmountable sorrow. Pearl stared at her wide-eyed, Lapis’ sudden break down catching her off guard. Without thinking, Pearl moved, embracing Lapis and holding her to her chest. Lapis continued to cry, seemingly unaware of what Pearl was doing. Pearl gently stroked Lapis’ hair, unable to think of anything else she really could do in a situation like this. Pearl could practically feel the hope fleeing Lapis’ body, leaving her as little more than a hollow, melancholy shell. Pearl could feel the familiar sting of tears in her own eyes, making her afraid she’d begin bawling herself. Pearl pulled Lapis closer, squeezing her as hard as she could. Lapis looked up at her, her eyes red and her expression cheerless. Pearl pushed Lapis away slightly, placing her hands on her shoulders. Pearl began to speak, her words pouring from an unknown source.

“I...I understand. I know what it’s like, to feel hopeless. To know that the one thing you used to live for is...no longer there.” Pearl did her best to choke back her tears, a few stragglers falling to the grass below, “But you can’t give up. There’s nothing wrong with you, you’ve just been hurt. And that...that’s okay.”

Lapis dug her fists into the dirt, her body still shaking, “I..I don’t know…”

“I do know.” Pearl assured her, “I know that just like the other gems, you can find a way to get past your sorrows. You can find a way to feel like you again. I’m...deeply sorry that you feel like this, but I want you to know that you’re not alone...not at all.”

Lapis wiped the tears from her eyes, the tiniest hint of a smile decorating her lips, “Pearl...thanks. I think I needed that.”

“You’re very welcome. If you’d like...I’d be more than happy to talk to you if you ever feel...down again.”

Lapis looked at her for a silent moment before nodding, “Yeah...that might be...nice. Just, one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“If you insist on touching me, I’d appreciate a warning.”

Pearl’s hands immediately flew to her sides as her face flushed, “Oh, o-of course! My apologies.”


	8. A Cold Stare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the story simultaneously speeds up, and slows down.

Lapis Lazuli was tired. Very tired. Her heavy eyes slowly surveyed the inside of the barn as she laid forlornly on her hay pile. Half finished meep-morps decorated the floor, the occasional pile of hay serving as makeshift furniture. A heavy snowfall billowed outside, black clouds darkening the sky above. Peridot sat in a far off corner, staring intently at her tablet. Pumpkin wandered around aimlessly, occasionally stopping to look towards one of them and bark. Lapis watched Pumpkin take a few steps around the barn, when it suddenly bolted towards her. Lapis didn’t move as Pumpkin crawled on top of her, curling up on her belly. She lazily stroked its stem, eliciting a happy sound from it. Lapis sighed heavily as her mind wandered to the other plants outside, no doubt shriveled and dead from the cold by now. Her head began to feel fuzzy as other visions and memories began to crop up. 

She found herself in the ocean, the humid, salty air heavy on her body. She stood several stories tall, the clouds gently passing by her hair. Her body moved sluggishly, feeling several times bulkier and heavier than ever before. Waves crashed and rolled against her legs as she made her way towards the shore. She could faintly see several...things moving on the sand before her, her increased size making it hard to make out exactly what she was looking at. She moved her massive head down to get a better look. To her amazement, she saw Steven and the other gems standing there, all eyes locked on her. A toothy grin formed on her face as she stepped closer, the ocean itself making way for her. However, she found herself unable to step forward, a deafening scream piercing the air around her. 

“Stay back!” Steven commanded, his shield at the ready.

“Wha-? Steven, it’s me! Lapis!”

Tears fell from Steven’s face as he shouted back, “No you’re not! Give them back!”

“What are you talking about? Give who back?” Lapis stammered.

“M..Malachite, please just give them back! Lapis and Jasper don’t want to be together! Please Malachite!” Steven cried, his voice shaking and his legs trembling. 

“W-what did you just call me?!”

Lapis then realized the gargantuan body she was controlling was definitely not her own. She gazed down at her pale green skin with disgust. Her entire body felt as if it was falling apart, every inch of her screaming out in pain. She summoned her wings and leaped as high as she could, trying desperately to get away. Her wings wrapped themselves around her torso, hardening into ice instantaneously. Malachite fell into the ocean below, sinking into the inky black abyss. The sounds of Steven’s cries grew distant as the ocean claimed her, her senses rendered useless in the shadowy vortex. Malachite struggled against herself, unable to find the strength to break free.

“No...no...no!”

“Lapis! Lapis wake up!” a distance voice shouted.

Lapis’ eyes popped open, and she found herself looking outside, the ice cold snow still pouring down. With an apprehensive look she turned towards the inside of the barn. Several meep-morps were thrown about the floor, a few of them now broken beyond repair. The parts of the floor that weren’t being occupied by broken garbage were instead covered either by hay or puddles of water. In the middle of it all stood Peridot, clutching a frightened Pumpkin to her chest.

“What on earth are you doing?!” Peridot screeched

“I...I did this?” Lapis squeaked.

“Who else would’ve done it?! Not only did you destroy weeks worth of work, you nearly tore the door clean off!”

Lapis turned her gaze back to the scene outside, the fluffy white snow piling ever higher. Lapis felt her body begin to give, her legs barely supporting her any longer. With a flap of her mighty aquatic wings, Lapis soared off into the sky silently. Peridot moved to where Lapis once stood, watching as she slowly but surely left her field of vision. Peridot set Pumpkin down on the floor and forced herself outside, the frigid air biting her skin.

“Pumpkin, watch the barn until I get back.”

*

Amethyst hung upside-down off the couch, half paying attention to the tv in front of her. The front door creaked loudly as Pearl came in, shivering slightly. She sat herself down next to Amethyst, immediately pulling out her cellphone. Amethyst corrected her posture as a heavy sigh escaped Pearl’s mouth.

“Still no word from the chick at the party?” Amethyst asked.

“Nope.”

“Aw, I’m sorry P. Forget about her, she’s probably not worth it.”

“I know, I know…” Pearl’s voice trailed off as she faced Rose’s mural, “I suppose I just...miss the feeling of it all.”

Amethyst gave Pearl and awkward pat on the back, “Well...wanna go hit up another party? Meet some other biker chick?”

“Oh...no. I don’t think I’m ready for another...relationship after all. What would Rose think, seeing me picking up human women at some party?”

“Pearl. This is Rose we’re talking about. She’d probably be your wingman.” Amethyst deadpanned.

“No, she’d be your wingman. She’d never expect that kind of behavior from me. She’d be...upset. Betrayed. I could never do that to her, even if she’s...gone.”

“Pearl…”

“I mean, how would you feel if you found out Peridot was flirting with other women so soon after your death?” Pearl spat.

“Soon? Pearl, Rose has been gone for a long time. I miss her too but...you can’t bring her back.”

“I’m not trying to bring her back!” Pearl accidentally shouted, “I...I..I’m sorry. I..I just can’t do this. Not now.”

“It’s alright Pearl, no one’s asking you to.”

Suddenly, the door flew open, causing both gems to jump. Peridot’s frozen form shuffled in, her entire body shaking like a piece of malfunctioning machinery. Snow and ice clung to her hair, her entire body a few shades paler than normal.

“A-A-Amethyst…” her teeth chattered.

Amethyst sprinted off the couch and wrapped her arms around Peridot, “Peridot, what happened?”

“I c-c-c-couldn’t find the w-w-warp pad,” she shivered, “I had to w-w-walk.”

Amethyst carried Peridot to the couch, throwing a blanket over the two of them. Peridot clung to Amethyst’s body as tight as she could, desperate to steal her body heat. Amethyst ran her hand along Peridot’s a body, tightening their blanket with the other. Pearl watched the two of them for a moment before chiming in with a look of confusion.

“Peridot, what’s so important that you needed to walk here?”

Peridot looked up at Pearl, unable and unwilling to move away from Amethyst's grip, “It’s Lazuli. She...freaked out while she was asleep and then flew off.”

“Freaked out? What do you mean?” Amethyst asked.

“I don’t know. One minute she’s dead asleep, and the next minute she’s shouting and breaking things! Then she just...took off without cleaning anything up!”

“Oh my…” Pearl hummed, “I hope she’s alright.”

“Pearl, you’re the only one I’ve seen Lapis talk to besides Steven. Do you think you could talk to her, try and get her to, I don’t know, open up for once?” Peridot asked.

“Well...I suppose I could try,” Pearl said as she moved away from the couch, “But I’m going to need a few things before I can do that.”

With that, Pearl exited the room via the temple. Peridot giggled to herself as she snuggled closer to Amethyst, not noticing the latter glaring at her, “Peridot. You better not have made that up just to get them together.”

“What?! No! Lazuli really did have some sort of breakdown. This is why she needs a girlfriend to talk to.” Peridot groaned.

“No, this is exactly why neither of them should be in a relationship.” Amethyst grunted.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you really need to dial it back with this little plan of yours. They aren’t good for each other Peridot. Pearl’s still trying to get over Rose, and Lapis obviously has some of her own problems.”

“But…”

“Peridot.”

“...Fine. I’ll wait until Lapis starts acting less...manic, before pressing the issue any further.”

Amethyst sighed, resigning that that was probably the best she was going to get for now, “I know you want to help, but...maybe we should just let them do their own thing. After all, we didn’t need anyone’s help, so why would they?”

“Uhh, that’s not true. We needed everyone’s help. We almost died. More than once.” Peridot beamed.

“Details details,” Amethyst laughed before pulling Peridot in for a kiss, “I love you.”

Peridot could feel a warm, familiar feeling bathing her body, forcing a goofy smile onto her face, “I love you too.” 

“So just, promise me you’ll leave them alone. Please?”

“Alright alright,” Peridot sighed, “I’ll leave them to their own devices. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?”


	9. Seasonal Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis isn't very good with her feelings.

Amethyst’s hands ran along Peridot’s body as she half-snoozed, still swathed in their heavy blanket on the couch. Peridot nuzzled against her happily, her own arms wrapped tightly around Amethyst’s waist. Pearl had rushed off to the barn some time ago, leaving the two of them in a warm, comfortable silence. Peridot hummed happily to herself as she watched Amethyst’s head droop, occasionally forcing herself to sit straight up with her eyes wide open before resuming her slumber. Peridot wanted to say something to her, something sweet or romantic, but lost her train of thought when she heard the temple door open. Garnet quietly stepped out, the part of her face that was actually visible wearing her typical aloof expression. As she made her way through to house, she stopped for a brief moment.

“Amethyst. Peridot. You two look cozy.” Garnet smiled.

“Yeah...cozy…” Amethyst mumbled as she finally slipped out of consciousness.

Garnet turned to leave, nearly making it to the door before Peridot jumped up, “Wait!”

The smaller gem scampered over to Garnet, “I uh...I wanted to..ask you something. You’re pretty good with relationships, right?”

“I’d like to think so.”

“Right...of course. So, if I were to...ask for your opinion about two people...ending up together-”

“Is this about Pierre and Percy again?”

“No no! It’s...Pearl. And Lapis. Do you think they’d want to be together?”

Garnet put a hand to her chin, the silence in the room suddenly growing cold, “I was under the impression they were just friends.”

“T-they are! But, Lapis has opened up to Pearl more than...well, anyone really, besides Steven I guess. The way I see it, them entering a romantic relationship seems logical. Amethyst...disagrees. I was simply asking for a third opinion. Er...third and fourth opinion, I suppose.”

Garnet crossed her arms over her chest, her back against the wall. She put her head down for a few long minutes, silently thinking. Peridot felt a shiver run down her spine as the very air around them began to rise and drop, warming and cooling, over and over until she finally looked back up.

“The problem with that lies less with the situation, and more with them.” she answered.

“I...don’t follow.”

“You have to understand that both Pearl and Lapis are very hurt, for one reason or another. That could make a relationship...difficult.”

“But if they’re _both_ hurt, then why wouldn’t they be able to make each other feel better? Wouldn’t they want someone to talk to?”

“Maybe.” Garnet said, “But maybe they’re too hurt to want a relationship.”

“Who wouldn’t want to be in a relationship? That’s one of the best things about this planet!”

“I agree,” Garnet smirked, “but the fact of the matter is, relationships don’t work for everyone.”

“But...what if they had help?”

Garnet knelt down, her visor fading away into nothingness. Peridot squirmed under Garnets tricloptic gaze, “Peridot,” Garnet began, “every relationship needs help. Romantic, platonic, even basic friendships need help.”

“Okay…”

“But, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want it. Everyone needs to figure out their own wants and needs before reaching out to others. Do you understand?”

“Uh….kinda..?”

Garnet stood straight up, her visor popping back into reality, “If they ask for help, give it to them. Otherwise, they can handle themselves.”

“Oh. Well why didn’t you just say that?!” Peridot huffed.

“Heh, sorry. I have to go, I have an important mission to attend to.” Garnet said as he disappeared through the door.

“As do I.” Peridot declared as she threw herself back under the blanket next to Amethyst.

Peridot grumbled to herself as she fiddled with the blanket, trying her best to snuggle up to Amethyst without waking her up. Garnet’s answer was the worst kind, perfectly logical, yet still the opposite of what she wanted to hear.

“Oh well, I suppose it would be foolish to force a romance that isn’t there.” Peridot whispered to herself, “Of course, anyone with a working set of eyes could see that there’s definitely _something_ there.” Peridot pondered Garnet’s words for another moment, “I’m not sure if I _can_ wait for them to ask, those two need all the help they can get.”

*

Exhaustion wracked Lapis’ body as she plummeted into the snow. Although the storm had finally let up, soaring close to the clouds left Lapis with a fine layer of frost covering her entire being. She forced herself to stand, trudging aimlessly through the ice and snow. Every muscle in her body screamed in agony, even the smallest movement sending jolts of pain throughout her body. The biting cold forced her to move slowly, every footstep dragging as if she were a dying animal. Despite how frigid her outsides felt, her insides boiled like molten iron. Anger, hatred, fear, all furiously bubbled up inside of her mind, forcing her every thought to become plagued with contempt. 

“Stupid planet...stupid snow...stupid dreams…” Lapis spat.

Lapis’ eyes scanned the surrounding area, desperate to find some sort of landmark or feature she recognized. Aside from piles of snow and a forest of barren trees, she found herself in a wasteland. Her feet sunk deeper and deeper into the snow, the freezing slush nearly up to her waist. She froze in her tracks when her foot touched something solid and stone-like. 

“No way..”

Lapis forced her way through the snow, pushing armfuls of it in every direction. The heavy snow caused her aching muscles to quake, making her slip and fall more than once. Lapis’ body continued to move, pain dulling her senses. After what seemed like hours of pushing, she finally revealed what she had found, a warp pad.

“Figures.” Lapis heaved, “These things are everywhere. Why couldn’t they just...leave good enough alone.”

Lapis stepped onto the warp pad, a beam of light whisking her away. She warped just outside the barn. The pillar of light evaporating all the snow on and around it. It look almost as if a path had been cleared outside the barn door, a few mounds of snow to either side. Lapis trudged to the door.

“I swear, if she opens her stupid green mouth…”

Lapis pushed the door open, hoping to find it empty. She took a few steps in before noticing Pearl, straightening up the mess Lapis had left. She somehow got Pumpkin to help her by carrying small objects in its mouth. Pearl moved gracefully, almost as if she were dancing whilst cleaning. She did a quick twirl, unintentionally locking eyes with Lapis. Pearl jumped as a small noise escaped her throat.

“Ah! Lapis, there you are!”

“Uh...hi. What are you doing here?”

“Peridot told me you were upset about something, I wanted to try and calm you down a bit.”

Lapis passed by her, flopping her tired body onto a pile of hay, “I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

Lapis grinded her teeth. All she wanted was to be alone. A small feeling inside her disallowed her from simply telling Pearl to go away, forcing her to lie instead. Lapis took a quick glance outside.

“Snow. I hate snow.”

“Oh, is that all?” Pearl chuckled, “Well that shouldn’t be a problem for you, you could probably clear the entire yard in a minute.”

Lapis looked up at her disbelievingly, “In case you haven’t noticed, you and I are about the same size. I can’t really move something that heavy.”

Pearl made her way to the door, scooping a handful of snow and walking it back to Lapis. She held it out to her as it began to melt in her hands, “See? Snow is just frozen water. A lot of things on Earth may look different from one another, but are very much the same when you look deeper.”

Lapis stared the melting snow down, looking more pissed than enlightened, “What.”

Before Pearl could say anything else, Lapis marched to the door and threw it open. With both hands in the air, she forced hundreds of pounds of snow to lift off the ground, before angrily shooting it all over the distant horizon. Lapis stood there, dumbfounded.

“I could have done that...this **entire time?!** ”

Lapis dropped to her knees, her powers sapping the last bit of energy she had. Pearl (only after obtaining express permission) picked Lapis up and carried her back to her hay pile. Pearl threw a blanket on top of her, gently placing Pumpkin on Lapis’ midsection.

“There, that should keep you warm. Is there anything else bothering you?”

A sour taste grew in Lapis’ throat, “Nope.” she lied.

“Well, in that case I’ll just leave you alone. Would you like me to come check on you later?”

“I think I’ll be fine. But...thanks.” Lapis said begrudgingly.

“You’re very welcome.” Pearl sang as she exited the barn.

Lapis threw her head back, her bloodshot eyes glaring at the ceiling. She felt as if she were being tugged on from two sides, being viciously jerked to and fro. One side felt jaded and cold, wishing that she had sent Pearl away sooner. The other felt...warm. A weak sensation that made Lapis wish she had told Pearl to stay, wished that she hadn’t thrown herself out the door how ever many hours ago. Conflicting, nagging feeling gnawed at her psyche like a hungry dog. Dark circles took over her peripheral vision, her head spinning. Her stomach wretched as if she were about to vomit, her skin hot with frustration. Small tears fell down her cheek as Pearl’s words rang in her head; 

_“A lot of things on Earth may look different from one another, but are very much the same when you look deeper.”_


	10. Winds of Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis still isn't good with her feelings. Or the feelings of others.

Lapis sat in a far corner of the barn, a pile of hay and a few meep-morps her only companionship. However, that didn’t mean she was alone. In the opposite corner sat Peridot and Amethyst, wrapped in each other’s arms as they stared at Peridot’s tablet. Pumpkin was snuggled between them asleep, unbothered by the sounds of internet videos or incessant giggling. Lapis couldn’t see exactly what was going on, but from what she understood, it was mostly animals being weird or kids falling off of things. The two of them had been like that for the better part of ninety minutes, watching and laughing uncontrollably at whatever they found. The sound was bouncing off the walls of the barn, reverberating and amplyifying to a deafening degree. Lapis grabbed fistsfuls of her hair, shaking with anger and annoyance. Lapis stared at both of them from across the room, a hot wash of resentment bathing her entire being. They both just looked so...happy. For no reason! After a few more laughter-laden minutes, Amethyst stood up.

“I’m gonna go grab us some snacks. I’ll be back in ten minutes.” she said with a kiss, “Love you Peri.”

“Love you too.” Peridot smiled sleepily as Amethyst left.

Lapis let out a quiet sigh, taking in the silent air thankfully. Peridot swiped silently on her tablet, the light reflecting off her visor. Lapis could feel a knot in her stomach as she watched, a sour taste finding its way into her mouth. 

Lapis trudged over to where Peridot was sitting, “Doesn’t it bother you to be on top of each other like that all the time?”

Peridot looked up from her screen with a confused look, “What? No. She’s she’s soft, she’s warm...it’s nice.” she explained.

“And all the noise? The stupid videos? None of that gets on your nerves?” Lapis persisted.

“Not really. I admit some of the videos she enjoys are a bit...odd, but I like hearing her laugh.”

Lapis’ eye twitched slightly, Peridot’s easygoingness incomprehensible to her. Sorrow hung on her like a wool blanket, weighing her down and dragging itself behind her as she moved. Lapis tried to shake the feeling off, as she often did when one her moods hit, but found it difficult if not impossible. She tried to push the blame on Peridot and Amethyst being annoying, but a small part of her knew that wasn’t the case. At least, not entirely. 

“Lazuli?” Peridot asked, waving a hand in front of Lapis’ eyes, “Are you alright?”

“Huh? Yeah I’m..I’m fine.” she responded in an almost tranced state, “I just...don’t feel well.”

“I bet Pearl could help with that.” Peridot said, failing to hide her smirk.

“Sounds better than staying here listening to you two.” Lapis deadpanned as she stepped out the door.

Lapis threw the door shut behind her, spreading her wings and taking to the sky. She gave the warp pad one last dirty look before propelling herself forward, the cold air billowing against her skin. The land disappeared quickly before her. Steven’s house wasn’t terribly far, a couple minutes by air at most. She couldn’t help but grumble to herself slightly as her soared over the snowy landscape. What was Peridot smiling about? The thought stuck in Lapis’ mind much longer than she would have ever liked.

“Stupid green twerp,” she muttered, “probably thinks it’s funny seeing me all...messed up. Well, that or she was fantasizing about what Amethyst's ‘gems’ look like again.”

Lapis’ short journey came to an end, the house in clear view. She touched down on the porch, happily finding it devoid of snow. The door creaked loudly as she made her way inside, alerting the only person there, Steven.

“Lapis!” he cheered happily, running to and hugging the taller gem.

“Hi Steven,” Lapis giggled, “is Pearl around?”

“I think she’s in the temple. I’d bring you in there but my room doesn’t always work.” 

“It’s cool, I can wait. So...what’re you up to?”

Steven made a motion towards his television, “Just playing some video games.”

Lapis glanced up towards his room, the tv just barely in her sight, “How come the game looks so...blocky?”

“My system’s kinda old,” Steven admitted, “but that’s alright, I like older stuff.”

A tiny smile found its way to Lapis’ lips, “Yeah...me too.”

Lapis and Steven made a few more minutes of small talk as Lapis’ mind began to wander. She began to feel impatient, anxious, and nervous all at once. Steven was such a happy kid, Lapis couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous. A few cloudy thoughts took up space in Lapis’ head as she spoke again.

“Hey...can I ask you something?”

“Of course! What’s up?”

“How do you...deal with change?” Lapis asked awkwardly.

Steven scratched his chin as he pondered the question, “Well...I’m not really sure. When things change around here, they usually change really fast, you know? Like...when Peridot moved in, and then you. Just one day you weren’t here and the next, there you guys were.”

“Tell me about it.” Lapis said under her breath.

“But,” he continued, “things changing is kinda nice. It’s scary sometimes but that doesn’t mean it’s bad. And even if it was, it can always just change again….I’m sorry. I don’t think that really answered anything.” Steven laughed.

“No it..it helped.” Lapis said with her eyes dead set on the warp pad, “Hey...do me a favor. Tell Pearl to meet me at the lake. She’ll know what I’m talking about.”

Lapis stepped onto the warp pad, a brilliant beam of light whisking her away. The light brought her to a dense forest, full of black trees with pastel-pink leaves. The warm air smelt like fresh fruit, the sunlight glistening off the dew on the grass. Lapis began walking, too engrossed in her thoughts to keep flying. She could see Homeworld, filled with hundreds of gems. Lines of gigantic Quartz soldiers loading into spaceships, a few Lapis Lazulis flying overhead, the occasional Agate making her rounds. The colossal Diamonds could be faintly seen in the distance, accompanied by their loyal Pearls. It was familiar. It was comforting. Lapis sighed as the thought dissipated, replacing itself with the image of the barn. 

The trees finally cleared as Lapis found herself at the lake, the remains of Homeworld’s technology still sticking haphazardly out of the water. Lapis could feel her face growing hot as she glared at it, the hunk of metal looking completely out of place in the middle of the serene lake. The water began to rise, forming a pair of demonic claws that tore what was left of the tower into pieces before flinging them into the sky. A satisfied chuckle slipped out of Lapis’ mouth as the forced the water to be still once more. 

“There, now everything is the way it should be.” she said halfheartedly to herself.

Steven and Peridot’s words echoed through her mind. They were both able to take major change and conflict in stride, but her? No way. Everything seemed so hopeless, like she was forever fighting a battle she had no hope of winning. Lapis began to seethe, a mixture of jealousy and confusion making her feel as if she were rotting from the inside out. Lapis watched the leaves gently fall from a few trees, fluttering gently onto the soft grass. A slow, inevitable downward spiral that ended with being flat in the dirt. It almost hit too close to home.

Lapis’ thoughts came to a screeching halt at the sound of Pearl’s voice, “Lapis? Is everything alright?”

Lapis spun around, “Yeah...well...no. Not really. I need to ask you something.”

Lapis lead Pearl to the edge of the water. The two sat in silence for a minute, tensely staring at one another.

Lapis took in a deep breath, “There’s...something I want to know.”

“What is it?”

“Tell me...how you changed. Tell me why you changed. What happened when you left Homeworld to be...here.”

Pearl’s eyes widened for split second before saying, “Well...it’s a fairly long story.”

Lapis rested her head on her hands, her navy blue eyes glistening with absolute attention, “I’m listening.”


	11. Moral Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every couple has a cute 'how did you meet' story...some just happen to involve jump starting a thousands-of-years-long war is all.

_It all started a long, long time ago. Honestly...I don’t remember terribly much of my life before meeting Rose. The earliest memory I have is meeting her for the first time in her chamber, right after she had...earned me._

The dome shaped room was nearly empty. The shelves were bare, the walls undecorated. The cold stone floor matched the walls, a depressing shade of cement gray. A lone gem sat in this room, a statuesque woman by the name of Rose Quartz. Rose gazed forlornly out a small window, looking over the barren wasteland she called home. She could feel her heart drop as a heavy sigh slipped from her lips. The crowded, arid landscape paled in comparison to the sights she had just returned from seeing. The sky was a putrid gray, without a single cloud to distract from its empty visage. The ground was perfectly flat, not a single plant or animal to be found treading upon it. It was boring, everlasting, and bleak. Rose’s heart and soul yearned for green, sunny pastures, the ambient sounds of nature filling the air around her. Rose had been so lost in thought she hadn’t noticed the skinny gem slip into her room.

“Um...excuse me...Rose Quartz?” the gem said, barely above a whisper.

Rose whipped around, her bored expression unchanging, “Yes?”

“I..I’m your new Pearl. The Diamonds said you earned my services after locating a new planet for them.” Pearl explained.

“Oh...right of course.”

“...Miss, if I may be so bold, what exactly is so special about that planet? Plenty of other gems have found planets for the Diamonds to use.”

Rose sighed a bit as she answered, “This planet, ‘Earth’, is perfect for creating gems. Plenty of space, plenty of resources, and not a single creature powerful enough to stop them.”

“Oh my,” Pearl gasped, “that’s a huge breakthrough. No wonder the Diamonds were so pleased.” Pearl bowed deeply, “Rose Quartz, it is an honor to serve you.”

“If you say so.” Rose murmured, her mind obviously somewhere else.

_From there, things got a bit...messy. Rose was taking regular trips to Earth for the Diamonds, at least, that’s what she told me we she was doing. Every few days or so she would return with a souvenir from Earth. A plant here, a piece of artwork there, anything she could find to fit in her quarters. Of course, it was my job to keep everything looking tidy._

Pearl diligently dusted and organized all of Rose’s belongings, taking extra care to not damage a single item. Rose had picked out each one to put on display in her room, with nary a shelf uncovered. From the ceiling hung a few potted ivy plants, each one nearly reaching the floor. Pearl had sorted each of the shelves according to Rose’s instruction. There was one for artwork, one for Rose’s smaller plants, one for ‘unidentified earthly treasures’ as Rose called them, etc. Pearl held one of the items in her hand, inspecting closely as she polished it with another. It was a small clay vase, fitting perfectly into the palm of her hand. Etched in it were designs of humanoid figures dancing with one another. Despite the fact that none of them were incredibly detailed, the simple drawings instilled on odd feeling of happiness. Pearl smiled crookedly as her mind began to wander, the etching implanting scandalous ideas into her head.

“I wonder if Miss Rose enjoys dancing…” she whispered to herself, “although, someone her size might not be...terribly graceful.”

Pearl’s fantasies came crashing down as the door behind her slammed open, “Pearl!” Rose shouted, bounding into the room with a goofy grin on her face.

Pearl jumped, nearly dropping the vase she was holding, “Y-yes Miss?”

“Come quick, I have something you **need** to see!”

Pearl set the vase down and followed Rose outside, the larger gem practically shaking with excitement. Rose skipped slightly ahead, rambling incoherently to Pearl about her findings. Pearl must have been moving too slow for her liking, because before long Rose took her by the hand to force her to keep up. Rose brought Pearl to a warp pad only a few blocks from her quarters, happily stepping onto it. An ivory beam of light brought the two to a strange, exotic place. Pearl felt her eyes widen involuntarily as her eyes adjusted to the bright sunlight. As far as she could see grew jet black trees, adorned with pastel pink leaves. A warm breeze wafted past, gently ruffling the soft grass below their feet. The pair stepped off the warp pad and ventured deeper into the forest, the quiet sound of the wind enveloping them. 

“Miss Rose...what is this place?”

“This is Earth.” Rose sighed happily.

“ _This_ is Earth?!” Pearl sputtered, “Does the entire planet look like this?”

Rose spun around, grabbing Pearl by her shoulders with a wide grin, “No! That’s the amazing thing! Every part of this planet is different! Most trees are brown and green, but these ones match my hair!” Rose giggled.

“Yes I...I see that.” Pearl laughed nervously.

It wasn’t long before the two of them reached the center of the forest. Before them sat a large lake full of crystal clear water. Rose immediately bent down and scooped a handful of it into her mouth, “Pearl, you’ve got to try some of this!” Rose sang.

“If...if you insist, Miss Rose.” Pearl said, hesitantly taking a drink of water. The cold water filled her mouth, causing her to shiver as it went down. 

“Isn’t this place magical?” Rose said, her eyes gleaming like stars, “I could stay here all day.”

“It is certainly something to behold.” Pearl agreed.

“This planet just makes me so happy I could just…” Rose couldn’t finish her sentence, a powerful rush of joy overtaking her.

Rose leaped to one side, landing on one foot with unprecedented grace. She spun on her heel with her arms outstretched, her lengthy curls trailing behind her like a queen’s robe. Pink leaves fluttered and fell around her as she twirled and bobbed. Pearl watched silently as Rose danced, all her cares seemingly thrown to the wind. Rose came to a dead halt, looking towards Pearl with an outstretched hand.

“Would you care to join me?” she asked.

“If that is what you wish, I-”

“That isn’t what I asked.” Rose interrupted, “I asked if _you_ wanted to dance.”

Pearl blushed as her mind went blank for a moment, “Um...well...I suppose.”

Rose took Pearl by the hand, placing the other at the small of her back. Rose took the lead, taking a couple of exaggerated steps to one side with Pearl in tow. Pearl did her best to match Rose’s gaze as they did a few basic steps, essentially following one another on a small square, occasionally turning. Pearl found herself lost in Rose’s eyes as they continued their slow waltz, her face growing uneasily warm once again. Her body felt like a flower, calmly drifting in the breeze as Rose carried her through the steps. Pearl’s hand mindlessly found its way to Rose’s back, enticing an amused smirk out of her. Rose pulled Pearl close to her, her head coming to rest on Rose’s shoulder. Their bodies guided one another around the lake, the ambience of the forest as their music. After a while it became hard to tell who was doing the leading, not that either of them particularly cared. They were simply two souls entwined within one another, taking turns swaying in the breeze of devotion. The number ended as Pearl wrapped her arm tight behind Rose’s back, leaning forward to dip the larger woman with unexpected ease. Pearl nearly dropped her when Rose began laughing.

“Pearl...that was amazing! Why haven’t we done this before?”

“You’ve never requested it of me before, Miss Rose.” Pearl said as she helped Rose back to her feet.

Rose made a face as if she had just tasted something foul, “Enough with the ‘Miss Rose’ stuff,” she said exasperatedly, “my name is just _Rose._ ”

Pearl couldn’t hide the concern in her face, nor her voice, “Mi-er...Rose, is something troubling you?”

Rose took a few steps away from Pearl, averting her gaze with a deep breath, “Pearl...do you think life is worth living?”

The question floored Pearl like a sack of bricks, “I...I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“The truth is...I haven’t been gathering more information for the Diamonds. I’ve been coming here because I love this planet and I don’t want it to die.” Rose turned to face Pearl, her expression dark, “Everything on this planet is new, changing and evolving all the time. I’m so sick and tired of seeing my fellow Gems walk all over each other over petty strife that...I can’t say for certain that I can swear allegiance to them much longer.”

Pearl threw a hand over her mouth, “Rose...what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that this planet is the one I want to call home. I’m not going to let anyone take it and ruin it, not even the Diamonds. I wouldn’t blame you for turning around right now and telling them everything you’ve seen and heard today, but that wouldn’t change my mind.” Rose said firmly.

Pearl’s legs began to grow weak, Rose’s unwavering strength leaving her breathless, “Rose...did you bring me here just to tell me all this?”

“All I want is a chance for our people to decide who they want to be, and I couldn’t think of anyone more deserving of that than you, my Pearl. You don’t have to stand by me, but if you are so inclined, I promise I will help you become whoever it is you wish to be.”

_Rose never gave me a single order after that day. She let me decide for myself what I should do with the information she had given me. It took a bit of thinking, but with time I joined her wholeheartedly. She took me under her wing, so to speak. She taught me how to fight, how to gather intel, how to...love...ahem. Anyway, every week or so I would go out into the public to discreetly gather information that we could use for the rebellion. After I was done, I’d report my findings to her. We changed locations every time to avoid being followed, in addition to being able to experience more and more of Earth. I was returning from one of my intel missions when it happened..._

Pearl’s jaw dropped as she stepped into Rose’s chamber. Every shelf was smashed, each item in Rose’s collection tarnished or destroyed. Dirt, wood chips, and shards of glass littered the floor, leaving little to no safe space to stand. A gruff voice caught Pearl’s ear, causing her to whip around. She could make out a pair of Quartz soldiers in the distance, walking away carrying a few of Rose’s belongings. Pearl tailed them with her fists bared.

“Were you two responsible for that mess?!” Pearl shouted.

One of the Quartz’s turned to face her with a hideous grin, “Yeah, that’s right. Pink Diamond sent us to smash that Rose Quartz, but she wasn’t home. Figured smashing her stuff was the next best thing.”

The soldier’s companion turned, cracking her knuckles, “What do you say we smash the skinny one next?”

Before the other Quartz could think up a response, Pearl’s spear tore through her midsection, poofing her instantly. Pearl charged the second, pulling a replacement spear from her gem. The Quartz dodged Pearl’s swings, sending a haymaker straight to Pearl’s jaw. Pearl’s body hit the ground hard, causing her to bounce an inch or two into the air. The Quartz grabbed the front of Pearl’s shirt, recoiling back as the smaller gem spit in her face. With a vicious slash, Pearl cut through her attacker’s body, reducing her to nothing more than her gem. Despite there being no witnesses, Pearl could still feel a tingling sense of paranoia clawing along her spine. She turned and bolted towards the nearest warp pad, warping herself to a lush green field on Earth. Pearl raced past the few small bushes and trees that grew there, her sights set on one of the many islands floating above the landscape. Pearl leaped forward with all her might, narrowly grabbing on to a root hanging from one of the floating islands. She hoisted herself up, relieved to see Rose standing before her. Pearl opened her mouth to speak, to tell her what had just happened, but the expression on Rose’s face silenced her. Pearl didn’t make a sound as Rose gathered her thoughts.

“Pearl…” she said finally.

“Yes?”

“I’m going to stay, and fight for this planet. You don’t have to do this with me.”

“But I want to!” Pearl insisted.

“I know you do.” Rose said, her voice dripping with worry, “Please...please understand that if we lose, we’ll be killed. And if we win, we can never go home.”

“...But why would I want to go home...when you’re here?” Pearl said with a hopeful smile.

“My Pearl…,” Rose chuckled, “You’re wonderful.”

*

“And...that was that.” Pearl said as her holograms dissipated, “I fought along side her with everything I had. She was my...my Rose. She gave me a choice with what I should do with my life, and I chose to follow her. That’s why I changed. Not because I had to, because I wanted to.” Pearl sighed.

Lapis blinked slowly, her mind desperately trying to process what exactly she had seen and heard. The sun was setting, the sky around them burning a dull orange. Lapis shivered as Pearl’s words echoed through her skull, “Didn’t you ever feel...scared? Helpless?”

“Well of course, but it was my choice and I stuck through with it. I know your coming to Earth wasn’t by choice, but I told you all of this because you _do_ still have a choice. You don’t have to change for anyone’s sake but your own. But if that is what you want, you’re free to do so. That’s what Rose loved about this planet and...I can’t help but agree.”

Lapis heard Pearl’s speech over and over again, even when the two had parted ways and she found herself back at the barn. Peridot was playing on her tablet in the corner as Lapis dug through the pile of meep-morp supplies. Lapis had repeated a few of Pearl’s words to herself, promising herself to make more choices. It still only made the tiniest bit of sense to her, but the small part that was affected felt hopeful. It worked for Pearl, why wouldn’t it work for her as well? She pulled a large white hammock from the pile, scratching her head as she tried to figure out how it worked. It took her a few minutes (and a bit of Peridot’s help,) but she managed to set it up nicely. Lapis threw a pillow and a blanket onto it as she climbed into it.

“What are you doing?” Peridot asked.

“I’m...gonna take another crack at sleeping. Not because I _have_ to, but because I _want_ to.” she said matter-of-factly.

“Oh...well, good luck. It isn’t as easy as it sounds. I’ve found that-” Peridot’s words were cut off by the deafening sound of Lapis’ snoring. The noise filled the barn, corrupting to quiet night air with the pained sounds of Lapis’ slumber. “That...is going to get annoying. Very. Quickly.” Peridot grummbled.


	12. Light Reading

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The internet is a beautiful thing, isn't it? It gives us YouTube, fanfics, and existential crises!

“I don’t have to...I want to. I don’t have to...I want to.”

Lapis whispered these words to herself, same as she had done for the past fifteen minutes or so. She sat in her secluded corner of the barn, staring up at the ceiling from her hammock. Peridot was situated in the opposite corner, tapping away at her tablet and pretending not to hear Lapis talking to herself. A pack of grape soda sat to her right, a couple of empty, crumpled cans strewn around it. Lapis watched her intently, the gears in her head slowly and ineffectually turning. There was something unsettling about watching Peridot play with that thing. One moment she’d be laughing, the next she’d be crying or screaming. Most of the time, she was just quietly zoning out whilst staring at it. She shook her head, grimacing. Pearl’s story was stewing in her head, pounding at her temples with dozens of unanswered questions. Part of her wanted to march down to the house and strike up another conversation with her, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Pearl was beginning to make her feel strange, like she wasn’t herself. However, she still had very little idea of what she should be doing next. It was becoming increasingly obvious that her options were running low. Lapis apprehensively stepped off the hammock and dragged herself towards Peridot.

“Uh...hey.” Lapis murmured.

“Oh, hello Lazuli.” Peridot blinked, unable to hide her surprise, “I thought you were sleeping again.”

“Look I uh, wanted to ask you something.” Lapis sighed, “Remind me, why do _you_ like it on this planet so much?”

Peridot pondered the question as she took a sip of her soda, “Well, Yellow Diamond isn’t here to try and shatter me for calling her a clod, so that’s a plus. But, I suppose I mostly enjoy the freedom to be myself, and the chance to experience the new things on this planet.”

Lapis felt almost guilty when she heard the answer, “That’s what I figured.” she mumbled.

“Is something wrong?”

Lapis had to stop herself from lying as her mind sprung back to life, “ _I don’t have to tell her...but I want to. I think._ ” “Well...Pearl and I did a lot of talking to other day. Some of the stuff she said is bothering me I guess.”

Peridot placed her tablet down, a small grin creeping onto her face, “So, you two had a little heart-to-heart?”

“I guess you could say that.” Lapis shrugged.

“What exactly did you two talk about?”

“It’s kinda complicated but, she told me I need to...find myself or be myself or...something. I’m just not sure how to do that, I feel like I missed my chance.” Lapis admitted.

“Are-are you asking for my help?” Peridot said excitedly.

“Yes Peridot,” Lapis groaned, “I’m asking for your help. I can’t ask Steven or Pearl again, so you’re all I’ve got.”

Peridot laughed quietly to herself, standing to hand Lapis a can of soda, “Not to worry Lazuli, once I’m done with you, you’ll be happy as can be!” 

The all but evil edge to Peridot’s words didn’t go unnoticed, “What exactly do you have in mind?”

“Nothing terribly complicated,” Peridot said, snatching her tablet off the ground, “let’s start with this.” 

Peridot handed the device to Lapis, who stared at it incredulously, “It’s not doing anything.”

“Oh, sorry. I need to unlock it for you,” Peridot quickly grabbed the tablet back, whispering to herself as the typed in her password, “Let’s see here...2-F-5-L...there we go!”

Once the tablet was back in her hands, Lapis slowly swiped through Peridot’s many icons, unsure of what she was looking at, “So...how is this supposed to help?”

Peridot plopped herself down into a hay pile, motioning for Lapis to sit next to her. Lapis hesitantly complied, holding the tablet out in front of her as if it were an angry animal. Peridot instructed Lapis to tap a particularly colorful icon, bringing up a plain white screen with a search bar in the middle.

“If you tap that little microphone, you can ask the tablet to look things up for you.” Peridot explained, “Go ahead, try it.”

Lapis poked the tiny picture, “Why is Earth so weird?” she grumbled into it.

The screen immediately filled with text, hundreds of links leading to various, and most likely unhelpful, websites. Lapis went wide-eyed, desperately trying to process even a fraction of what she was seeing. 

“Maybe we should try something a bit more...human.” Peridot suggested.

“Like what?”

Peridot held a finger to the screen and spoke into it, “Love.”

This time Peridot immediately led them to a different website. Several blocks of text were stacked upon one another, creating a dizzying amount of information. “Is this another one of your weird fan fiction things?” Lapis asked with a deadpan expression.

“Negative. This is a large database of human culture, ideas, events, pretty much anything you’d ever want to know really.”

Lapis took another disbelieving look at the screen, “Okay but...why love? Amethyst isn’t here you don’t have to try to act ‘cute’”.

“I don’t ever need to _try_ to be cute Lazuli,” Peridot said very matter-of-factly, “but that’s not my point. My point is that the humans have detailed data on concepts that Homeworld can’t even fathom! The world isn’t so complicated with that kind of information at your fingertips, don’t you agree?” 

“I mean...I guess?” Lapis took a swig of the soda in her hand, twitching a bit as the unbearably sweet flavor stuck to the inside of her mouth.

Lapis and Peridot spent what felt like the next few hours scrolling through the database. Lapis’ technological ineptitude ended up sending them to a fair amount of tangentially related pages very quickly. Anxiety, apathy, frustration, depression, all given pages with the same detail and depth that love had. A dark smirk inched onto Lapis’ face. The descriptions were certainly accurate, almost to a fault. The hopeless feeling of never ending turmoil, the creeping feeling of an upcoming manic episode, the formless shadow blotting out one’s mind, it was all broken down to an exact science. It was unnerving to say the least. How did the humans pry this kind of information out of people? Why would they even want to know that all this existed? Peridot must have noticed the a look on Lapis’ face, reaching over to backpedal to a less depressing page.

Lapis’ eyes sleepily scanned the words, ‘Love can also be a virtue, representing human compassion kindness and affection...The unselfish loyalty and benevolent concern for another.’ “Oh please.” Lapis scoffed.

“What?” Peridot snapped back, “It’s true!”

“Just because it’s real doesn’t mean everyone can relate to it.” Lapis beamed.

“Well...have you ever even tried?” Peridot asked slowly, another suspicious smile breaking out.

“What are you talking about?”

“Have you ever actually let someone in? You’re not gonna get any happier sitting around sulking.” 

Her words cut through Lapis like a knife, leaving her at a loss, “Well I...I talked to Steven...and Pearl...and uh..”

“You said you wanted to change right? Make yourself happier? Well, why not try something a little different?”

“I’ve been trying different things, trust me.” Lapis breathed.

“Well, you must’ve _learned something_ from these experiences, haven’t you?”

Lapis dug through her brain as best she could. What had she learned from all this? Her expression soured when nothing immediately sprung forth. Was all of this pointless? Would she have been better off keeping to herself these past few weeks? Her mind felt like a vast sea, building and crashing upon itself, but still empty. She snapped back to attention when the door in front of her opened, letting in a billowing gust of frigid air.

It was Amethyst, a large trash bag slung over her shoulder. Pearl was next to her, her eyes immediately falling on Lapis. She gave her a small smile and a wave as she closed the door behind her. Lapis returned the gesture stiffly, still trying to get her thoughts to cooperate.

“Here’s the junk you asked for Peri.” Amethyst said as the dropped the bag in front of her.

“Ah yes! Thank you Amethyst, you’ve saved meep-morp day once again!” Peridot laughed.

Lapis’ vision flickered between Amethyst and Pearl. For some reason she felt off. Just a moment ago she was drowning in her sorrows, but now she felt almost excited, elated even. Her voice came out without prompting, “Are you two joining us?”

“I sure am,” Amethyst said, “I wouldn’t hold your breath for Pearl though, she doesn’t appreciate trash the way I do.”

“Amethyst please, anyone would be sick of garbage if they had to see your room as many times as I have.” Pearl said exasperatedly.

Lapis could feel her face getting warmer, her hands twitching. “It’s more fun than it sounds, you’d like it.”

“Well, if you insist.” Pearl chuckled.

Peridot immediately jumped between them, her eyes glittering like stars, “Oh! Oh! I have a brilliant idea!” she gripped Amethyst’s hand, dragging her into the fray, “Let’s make this interesting. How about you two versus us?”

“What, like a contest? What do we get for winning?” Amethyst asked, having a weird feeling she knew why Peridot was doing this.

“Bragging rights obviously. So, what do you say? You want to put your meep-morp skills to the test?” Peridot grinned expectantly.

Pearl fidgeted a bit, “I’ve never done this before, I don’t-”

Lapis cut her off, “Aw come on, it’ll be fun!” Lapis tried to ignore the feeling of her stomach doing flips, “I’ll help you! We can beat these two no problem!”

Pearl gazed around at the gems surrounding her, each sporting a determined, albeit slightly goofy, smile, “Oh, alright. How do we start?”


	13. Many Meep-Morps Make Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meep-Morps are made out of trash right? So do you think Peridot and Lapis ever got hurt trying to make one of these things? Is it possible for gems to get tetanus from a rusty cut? That's be one hell of a boring episode to watch; "Amethsyt needs a booster shot."
> 
>  
> 
> .....I need to stop writing when I'm supposed to be sleeping.

An imaginary line split the barn into two halves. Amethyst and Peridot on one side, Lapis and Pearl on the other. Both sides gathered together a sizable pile of garbage for themselves, each one nearly reaching the ceiling. The gems searched their piles thoroughly, whether that be through ferrokinesis, flying around and over it, or simply digging through it with their bare hands, in order to find the perfect materials. Hushed whispers decorated the brisk air as the teams threw their ideas together.

“I’m still not completely sure about all this,” Pearl fussed as she tried to make heads or tails of the trash that surrounded her, “are you sure you want my help?”

Lapis fluttered down from above, placing a metal trash can onto the floor in front of her, “Of course I do. I mean-you don’t have to if you don’t want to.” she said, almost forcefully.

“I’d like to help,” Pearl replied, gathering a small pile of dented cans, “I’m just not sure how to go about this.”

Lapis tipped the trash can upside down, dumping out its contents and throwing them aside, “I’ve already got an idea I think you’re gonna like. Do you remember all that stuff you told me about ‘things are different when you look deeper?’” Lapis smirked.

Meanwhile, Peridot and Amethyst had nearly torn their side of the barn apart. What had started as a few neat piles quickly became a disorganized mess. Amethyst hauled an old television set over her head, throwing it into Peridot’s ‘maybe pile’. Peridot was gathering much smaller materials, such as wires, buttons, or old computer parts. She was so focused on her search she hadn’t noticed her girlfriend sneaking up behind her. Amethyst tossed her arms around Peridot’s neck, nuzzling the side of her face sleepily.

“So, what’s the plan? Throw the contest so that those two can start sucking face?” Amethyst asked sarcastically.

“What? Of course not!” Peridot spat, “As much as they need one another, I refuse to allow my artistic integrity to be compromised! Besides, losing will bring them much closer together anyway.”

“Whatever you say babe,” Amethyst laughed, “in that case, what are we gonna do? I don’t usually stick the junk in my room together like you guys do.”

“Well, constructing a meep-morp is about much more than ‘ _sticking some junk together_ ’. It’s about conveying one’s feelings, it’s about pouring yourself into your work, creating the perfect combination of emotional and structural refinement!” Peridot exclaimed excitedly. 

Despite her hair separating their faces, Peridot could practically feel Amethyst's sideways glance, “Uh...what?”

“Here, I’ll show you.”

Peridot pulled herself away from Amethyst’s grip long enough to trot over to her maybe pile. The pile included the old television set, a few feet of christmas lights, a mini fridge, and some rusty silverware. She pulled herself atop the fridge, standing over the junk covered floor with a look of enthusiastic pride. She gestured towards the meep-morps that adorned, or in some places were part of, the walls.

“Everything you see before you started as broken, discarded junk. But with a little bit of ingenuity and dedication, became whatever Lazuli or I wanted it to be. The possibilities are limitless! Whatever you feel or want to express can be shown, without any restraint or inhibitions!” Peridot crouched down to all fours, hanging off the fridge with an almost disturbing glow in her eyes, “Amethyst, looking at all of this junk, what do you feel, at this very moment?”

Amethyst scanned the fridge for a quick moment, “Kinda hungry.” she replied, patting her stomach.

Peridot brought a hand to her chin, mulling it over quietly, “You know what? That actually gives me an idea!”

Pearl finished lining the inside of the trash can with copper wire, fastening it down dark green tape, “Are you one hundred percent sure this is going to work as intended?”

Lapis pulled about a pound of snow from outside, forcing it to stay suspended in midair over her head, “The tape is waterproof, it should be alright. I’m gonna need you to break these for me.” 

Lapis dropped a few metal chairs onto the ground, each one a different, vibrant color. “Ah yes, of course.” Pearl said, drawing her weapon. 

Pearl brought the spear over her head, standing over the chairs as if it were a downed opponent. She thrust it down with every ounce of her strength, shattering the old chairs into several pieces. Pearl swung her spear through the pile of rubble, slicing it down into even smaller pieces. She knelt down next to the pile, working to remove any rusted or a pieces. A cold hand cupping her own skidded her to a halt.

“Let me take care of this, there’s something else I need you for.” Lapis said.

“Like what?”

Lapis dug through the pile behind her, producing a black cube from it, “Remember this thing?”

Pearl’s expression quickly went sour, “Isn’t that one of the robots that attacked us?”

“Sure is. Peridot said these things fly with magnets or something, I figure they’d work better than anything else we’d find around here.”

Pearl took the half broken machine into her hands as Lapis sifted through the pile of metallic dust. She rolled it in her hands restlessly, a slew of unpleasant memories cropping up in the back of her mind. An acidic feeling bubbled up from her stomach, her hands trembling as her insides burned. A vehement anger washed over her, and with one swift motion she snapped the cubic robonoid in half. Sparks and bits of metal fluttered to the ground as Pearl furiously searched for the magnets. She reached into the freshly opened robot, yanking out a pair of silver rectangles from inside of it.

“Are these it?” she asked with an air of frustration about her.

“I think so? You’re better with this tech stuff than I am.” Lapis responded.

Pearl glanced down towards her hand, “I never saw these kinds of robonoids before we found the tower. I’m afraid my knowledge on them is limited at best.” Pearl said forlornly.

Lapis picked herself up from the ground, meeting Pearl’s gaze uncomfortably, “You’re smart, you’ll figure it out. Let me help.” 

Lapis’ hand slipped into Pearl’s, just for a moment to grab the magnets from her. She noted a small panel on the side of them both, popping them off with surprising ease. A mess of lights and circuits greeted her, completely incomprehensible to her in any sense of the word.

“I...don’t think these are magnets.” Lapis sputtered.

Pearl leaned in to take a closer look, “You’re half right. These are small machines that generate magnetic fields, similar to what Peridot is able to do naturally. I’ve seen this technology before, but the casings never looked like this.”

“So Homeworld just slapped a fancy coat of paint on their old tech?”

“In a manner of speaking, yes.” Pearl said, “I should be able to recalibrate these no problem, now that I know what I’m working with.”

Lapis kept her eyes glued to the machinery up until the moment it left her hand again. Pearl slumped down onto the floor, rewiring the devices for her and Lapis’ own use. Lapis returned to the pile of rubble, humming a bouncy tune to herself as she did. The corners of her mouth curved into a bright, unmissable smile. Watching that robot crack was much more cathartic than she thought it would’ve been, an unseeable wight disappearing from her mind. A crooked smile plastered itself onto Pearl’s face, a gentle warmness filling the spots were despair had just been. Lapis’ happiness seemed so genuine, it was practically contagious. 

“Oh my stars.” Peridot breathed from the other side of the barn, her eyes stuck on the giant sphere of snow hanging in the air, “They have snow. What are they doing with the snow?!”

Amethyst yanked Peridot back towards their pile, “Don’t worry about them, you still need to hook up all the electrical stuff.”

“Yes yes, of course.” Peridot made her way to their half finished project, looking like little more than a tv sitting on top of a refrigerator. She rubbed her hands together, eagerly imagining what the finished product would look like, “Alright, duct tape?”

“Check.” Amethyst said, handing Peridot a roll of silver tape.

“Blowtorch?”

“Check.”

“Extension cord?”

“Check.”

“Alright, that should be everything I need.”

“You’re forgetting something Peri.”

Peridot looked around frantically in immediate panic, “Like what?”

Amethyst grabbed Peridot by her shoulders, pulling her in for a quick kiss, “I love you.” she smiled.

Peridot couldn’t stop her face from flushing, “I love you too. Let’s finish this thing.”

The teams worked diligently to finish their crafts. The minutes stretched into hours, the air around them growing even colder as the sun began to dip in the sky. Electrical humming filled the silent void, the meep-morps springing to life. Finally, it was time to harvest the fruits of their efforts. The meep-morps were pushed to the center of the barn, their creators standing to either side of them. Amethyst and Peridot’s was a mini fridge with an old crt tv mounted to the top of it. Christmas lights decorated very top and bottom, the sides of the fridge adorned with a pair of spatulas, giving it a faux-humanoid appearance. Lapis and Pearl’s was much simpler, looking look a dented, dirty trash can and little else. But that was the beauty of meep-morps, appearance was only the beginning.

“How do we decide who goes first?” Amethyst asked.

Pearl and Lapis exchanged a quick glance and a shrug, “You two go ahead.” Lapis said after a moment.

Peridot gestured towards her work as if she were introducing royalty, “We call this one, ‘Rest and Relaxation.’”

Peridot plugged the fridge into an extension cord, the other end of which was plugged into a car battery. The tv flickered on, playing a rerun of Camp Pining Hearts. The lights flared to life, blinking on and off every few seconds.Amethyst opened the fridge, pulling out a can of soda and cracking it open.

“Our creation combines both visual artistry and practicality.” Peridot said, “Not only does it provide televised entertainment, but it also keeps your drinks cold. Perfect for binge watching a season or two of your favorite show.”

Pearl gave Lapis a worried look, “Were we supposed to come up with a cheesy title for ours?”

“C-Cheesy?!” Peridot barked.

“Don’t worry about it, I got one.” Lapis said, ignoring the shorter gem.

“Hey I thought ours was pretty good,” Amethyst said, “but that might just be the soda talking.”

“I have to admit, it is rather charming in a why.” Pearl giggled, “You two did a fine job.”

“Thank you,” Peridot said with an unmissable smug pride, “what have you two done?”

Lapis placed a hand behind the trash can, her hand resting on a small switch the others couldn’t see, “I call this one, ‘Inner Beauty.’”

Lapis flipped the switch, a few gold smarks bursting from it. It rumbled and shook for a few seconds, looking as if it were about to fall apart. The lid flew open with a loud pop, a copper hinge keeping it attached. Slowly, a large pillar of water rose from inside of it, the faint sound of humming machinery causing it to ripple. Thousands of metal shards floated within it, catching the light and painting the water with a dazzling rainbow of colors. The water didn’t take any particular shape, simply bending and stretching with the pull of the magnets. Amethyst and Peridot watched the spectacle wide-eyed, whilst Lapis and Pearl shared a satisfied high five. Eventually, the water ceased its dance, returning to the can peacefully as the lid closed on top of it.

“Alright, you guys win.” Amethyst breathed.

“What?! You can’t just give it to them so easily!” Peridot protested, “Ours had...and the...alright fine. Lazuli and Pearl win. Congratulations.” she conceded quietly. 

“Yes!” the two winners cheered in unison, “That was actually rather fun.” Pearl laughed, “Certainly the most fun I’ve ever had with a pile of garbage.”

“You obviously haven’t lived P.” Amethyst chuckled.

“So, Lazuli,” Peridot wondered aloud, “where did your ‘Inner Beauty’ title come from? Any inspiration either of you want to share?”

Lapis pretended the others couldn’t see her eyes darting to Pearl before she spoke, “Well, I-”

Lapis couldn’t get much more out before the barn door crashed open. Garnet had nearly shattered it into pieces, “Pearl, Amethyst! We’ve got a situation! Move, now!”

Amethyst and Pearl dashed out the door, Peridot and Lapis close behind. “Hey, I’m part of this team too!” Peridot shouted.

“And I’m coming along too!” Lapis insisted.

“Are you two sure? This could be very dangerous!” Pearl called behind her.

A pair of aquatic wings grew from Lapis’ gem, allowing her to catch up to Pearl in a nanosecond, “I want to help.” she said adamantly.

Peridot lunged forward, somehow managing to land squarely onto Amethyst’s back without knocking her over, “As if I’m going to let Amethyst go without me after what happened last time!”

“Let them come.” Garnet commanded, “We’re going to need all the help we can get.”


	14. Hyperhydration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She's baaaaaack!

A burning beam of light erupted from the warp pad, the battalion of gems practically falling from it. They found themselves in a dense forest, the massive trees blotting out the sun. Smaller trees and bushes adorned the ground, leaving little room to stand on. The dark landscape seemed endless, the twisting mass of shadows and overgrown plants choking the life out of the scenery. Garnet took the lead, bellowing a frantic order to her teammates.

“Steven should be here soon, I sent him to get Connie. We need to move out the moment they get here.”

“What exactly are we doing here?” Lapis grunted.

“There’s a corrupted gem somewhere in this forest. We need to find it, and contain it.” Garnet said simply.

“That’s what you’re freaking out about? I thought this stuff was normal for you guys.” Lapis replied.

“This one’s different. We’re gonna need numbers to beat it.”

“Garnet,” Pearl squeaked, “what exactly-”

A deafening roar shook the earth, forcing Pearl into silence. Before their eyes, several bushes began to shake. The miniature trees began to twist, their branches growing into horrible, clawed tendrils. The bushes followed suit, their stems untangling into a mess of whip-like limbs. The plants forced themselves out of the ground, shambling towards the gems with their natural weapons bared. Garnet took a swing, managing to throw a few of the suddenly sentient trees into their own comrades. Pearl’s spear skewered the closest monster, pinning it to the ground uselessly. A few thorny vines blindsided her, forcing her to the ground. Garnet swatted the plants away before they could get very close, helping Pearl to her feet as the two of them continued their close quarters combat. Lapis and Amethyst did their best to provide cover, whilst Peridot more or less watched from a relatively safe distance.

“Why didn’t I stop to grab some metal?” she groaned, “I wonder if it’s too late to warp home and grab some.”

A voice cut through the trees with urgent vigor, “Peridot, duck!”

Peridot hit the dirt as a bright pink shield soared over her. It flew into the crowd of monsters, cutting a few down while forcing the rest to separate. Out of the corner of her eye, Peridot could make out Connie slashing at the monsters with her sword, splashes of water and sap flying from them as if it were blood. Steven stayed to her side, providing protection with his shield and bubbles. With their help, the plants fell all too quickly.

“You two came just in time,” Garnet sighed with relief, “thank you.”

Steven was visibly shaking, staring up at the titanic trees with a doomed look on his face, “Garnet? If this monster we’re looking for can make plants evil, what’s stopping it from making giant tree monsters?”

“The monster isn’t controlling the plants directly, it’s manipulating the water inside of them. These trees appear to be too large for it to do anything with, either that or it just doesn’t want to.”

Peridot nudged Lapis, “Do you think you could do that?”

Lapis took a glance towards the towering trees, “Probably. But the water isn’t out in the open like it is at the ocean, it’d be hard to move it all through something that big. It’d be more worth the energy to use a group of those small plants.”

“So this thing is dangerous _and_ smart.” Connie said, “We better be careful.”

The group continued their trek through the forest, the cool air and tangled undergrowth impeding their movement somewhat. Garnet led the way, guiding the others deep into the heart of the forest. The trees were eerily silent, not a single bird or insect to be heard. Time seemed to crawl to a near halt as their journey carried on. Steven and Connie couldn’t help but dart their eyes to their sides, paranoid of more botanical attackers. Pearl kept close to Garnet, spear at the ready. Amethyst and Peridot dragged behind, Amethyst with a whip coiled around her fist, and Peridot trying her best to make a remotely threatening face into the forest whenever she thought she saw a shadow move. Sandwiched in the middle of it all was Lapis. Her heart was racing, hands fidgeting at her sides. Anxious, paranoid thoughts echoed throughout her mind, blurring her vision and completely killing her concentration. She began shivering, every fiber of her being shouting the same command over and over again.

Run.

“Lapis?” Pearl whispered, “Are you-”

A pair of aquatic wings burst from Lapis’ gem, lifting her from the the ground, “I’m scouting ahead. Bye.” she sputtered.

Lapis shot forward, the trees whizzing past her at a breakneck speed. The other gems disappeared behind her in no time, the sight of the forest melting away. Lapis’ entire body felt as if it were enveloped in ice cold water, the salty sting of the ocean attacking her eyes. The sound of breaking glass rung in her ears as panicked heaves forced their way out of her mouth. 

“Why is this happening now?” she said inbetween sobs, “I thought I was getting over this…” she griped her hair in her hands, squeezing her eyes shut, “That gem, it can’t be a-”

Lapis suddenly found herself careening towards the ground, a heavy impact dropping her out of the sky like a common housefly. She hit the dirt with a thud, scrambling to return to her feet the second she did so. The crash also managed to snap her back to reality, her frightful illusions fading to the dark corners of her mind where they belonged. She was in a clearing, a noticeable lack of trees allowing an uncomfortable amount of sunlight flood in. The grass was dry and dead, looking closer to straw than the lush turf in the forest. She stood unevenly, her legs still feeling weak. The clearing was spacious, a rough mile or so of desolate late in the middle of an otherwise verdant forest. Her eye caught the sight of some shadows moving in the distance, several small ones with a large one behind them. After a hesitant moment, she began walking towards them, her rattled mind only half registering that this could possibly be a bad idea. She only made it a couple of steps before the shadows turned to face her, making low growling noises in her direction. More plants, mostly bushes, skittering around on the ground as if they were dogs. Their leaves were contorted in a way that almost made them resemble faces glaring into her soul. They looked ready to rear up and attack, until the large creature behind them rose up. The plants made way for Lapis, silently encouraging her to keep moving. She obeyed, and the creature followed suit, stepping into the light to face Lapis.

It was a serpentine creature, walking on four clawed legs. From nose to tail, it must’ve been at least five feet long. It had a mane of dark blue hair, nearly covering its almost reptilian face. Its cerulean skin glimmered in the sun, making its inky black eyes all the more intimidating. A pair of demonic looking horns grew from its forehead, sharing the same ivory gleam that its claws did. Between these horns rested a teardrop shaped gem, although its surface was bumpy and uneven. Lapis ran her fingers over it, the corrupted gem closing its eyes and purring loudly at the attention.

“You really are a Lapis…,” Lapis whispered, “or...you used to be.”

Lapis scoped out the area the monster had made its home. There wasn’t much in the way of decoration, but the longer she looked, the more Lapis realized this clearing wasn’t natural. Besides the dead grass, there were also holes, fallen trees, and what appeared to be a nest made from grass. The corrupted gem nuzzled its face against Lapis’, its toothy maw sporting the closest thing to a smile it could manage. Lapis could feel her heart slowing down, the adrenaline finally leaving her veins. Part of her felt like she should be afraid, but for some reason the monstrosity in front of her calmed her nerves. 

“God, I really am messed up.” she said to herself, “Not as messed up as you though.”

The corrupted Lapis tilted its head quizzically in response. It picked itself up, rising its head well above Lapis’. Without warning, a gauntlet shot out of the forest, exploding on contact with its head. Lapis whipped around, the Crystal Gems tearing their way into the clearing, weapons bared. The corrupted gem let out a monstrous roar, sending its bushlings to attack the intruders. 

“Gems, attack!” Garnet called.

“No, wait!” Lapis pleaded.

Lapis winged into the sky, only to be shot down by a powerful blast of water. The dragonic monster was staring her down, baring its fangs ferociously. It opened its jaws, spewing a stream of scalding hot water at Lapis. Lapis threw her hands up, narrowly catching the stream in mid air and redirecting it back towards the beast. The two forced one another into a standstill, hurling and guiding water attacks back at one another. Lapis’ mind went blank as the sounds of battle filled the air. The slashing of Connie and Pearl’s weapons, the crash of Garnet’s fists against her enemies, all topped off with Peridot’s pitiful cries for help.

“Amethyst! Help me!” she cried, sprinting away from three angry bushlings.

A single swing of Amethyst's whip was all it took to decimate all three monsters. Peridot fell to the ground, running on all fours over to Amethyst.

“I take it you didn’t bring any metal with you.” Amethyst said half sarcastically.

“I was in a rush okay?! But that’s not important, we need to help Lapis! That _thing_ is gonna kill her!”

“That monster’s pretty big, I think we’re gonna have to work together for this one, if you catch my drift.”

Peridot offered Amethyst her hand, “I was thinking the same thing.”

Amethyst took her hand, pulling Peridot into a deep bow. With a snicker, she spun her around violently, tossing Peridot into the air and leaping up to catch her. The instant their bodies collided, their physical forms faded away, merging together in an intense explosion of light. The light faded to reveal a sturdy, four armed figure that stood almost as tall as Garnet. A pair of cold eyes scanned the battlefield, filled with a look of determination. She was shapely, yet muscular, a peridot gem on her head and an amethyst just above her chest. Her pale white hair was tied into a giant braid, ending in a perfect triangle at the small of her back. Her skin was a deep purple, melting into a metallic green halfway down her arms. She wore a dark gray top and dark purple shorts, both of which looked like they had been intentionally ripped around the arm and leg holes respectively. Her black combat boots stopped the dead grass as she faced the monster. She held her hands high, a sinister purple and green energy building between them. The energy ebbed and flowed, creating a flaming ball of molten metal. The fusion gritted its sharp teeth as she prepared her attack.

“Die, insect!” she shouted, lobbing the fireball as hard as she could. 

The projectile exploded violently, send both Lapis and her opponent flying in opposite directions. The dry grass immediately caught fire, the smoke of which reeked like rotten blood. Lapis struggled to a stand as the fusion towered over her.

“Mwa ha ha ha! That was awesome! Right Lapis?” she bellowed. Her voice carried a hint of crooked elegance, like a grand piano being played by chimp.

“What the-? Who are you? What are you?” Lapis spat in fear and confusion.

“Wha...hello? Ammolite? Purple Ammolite? Peridot and Amethyst’s fusion? Living embodiment of trust and understanding? I was the driving force of like, half the plot in the last story!” Ammolite said dejectedly.

“Uh...sorry. Not ringing any bells.” Lapis coughed.

“Oh, whatever. Damn clod.” Ammolite said under her breath, “I’m gonna take care of lizard lips over there, you just rest up.”

“No, wait! Please!” Lapis whined futilely.

Ammolite jumped at the creature, howling like a war god as she struck the creature. Her repeated blows forced the corrupted gem to stay pinned to the ground, despite its efforts. The sound of the monsters pained cries were only matched by Ammolite’s vigorous laughter. Lapis watched in horror, tears streaming down her face. Her body refused to move, her spirit rotting away like a piece of abandoned fruit.

“Leave her alone...please..” Lapis weeped.

Ammolite continued her vicious assault, either unaware or unconcerned with Lapis’ protests. She punched, kicked, grappled, she even resorting to biting the creature as if she were an animal. Lapis’ mind raced, unable to think of a single cohesive thought. The sounds around her grew louder and louder, the sights of carnage and destruction all bleeding together until it all became indistinguishable. Lapis could feel her physical form breaking apart, her body growing several dozen degrees too hot in a matter of seconds. Her eyes glazed over, giving her a look of startled disinterest. One by one, the plants and trees began to die, every ounce of water within them being drained. Lapis took the woods’ worth of water and shielded herself with it, desperate to block out the noise. Her eyes shot up at the display in front of her as she finally found the strength to stand.

“You quartzes are all the same. You don’t care what anyone else wants.” she rumbled, “You’re going to stop. Right. Now!”

Lapis threw her arms out, blasting her dome of water in all directions. Lapis’ makeshift protection was incredibly tightly packed, turning what appeared to be only a few feet of water into enough to fill a lake in an instant. The forest quickly flooded, the force of the water knocking down several trees. With the last bit of energy sapped from her body, Lapis’ physical form began to melt away. The last thing Lapis heard before falling into unconsciousness was the surprised screams of her comrades.

“Lapis Lazulis stick together.” she whispered as her vision grew dark, “We always will.”


	15. Discrimination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #triggered

The inky blackness was all encumbering, heavy and suffocating. Steven struggled against it, desperate to find even an inkling of light. He swam through the silent ebony sea, feeling as if his life was being choked out of him. Eventually the darkness parted, and his stinging eyes were treated to a view of his living room. He was flat on his back, staring at the ceiling from the couch. Steven ran a hand over his burning face, a dull pain throbbing in his head. The living room was spinning before his sore eyes, making it hard for him to sit up. The crystal gems sat around him, his stuffy head making it difficult to make out their words.  
  
“Steven, how are you feeling?” Pearl asked.  
  
“Not so great.” he groaned, “I don’t remember what happened.”  
  
“We were fighting that monster when the whole forest flooded,” Amethyst explained, “you were unconscious in a puddle for a few hours until we found you.”  
  
Steven shot up quickly, a hot flash of pain nearly knocking him back down, “Is everyone else okay?!”  
  
“The only one we didn’t find was Lapis. Peridot’s back at the barn in case she finds her way back on her own.” Garnet said.  
  
“You said the forest flooded?” Steven croaked, “How?”  
  
“That monster must have done it while it was fighting Ammolite,” Pearl said as Steven flopped back onto the couch, “I’m just thankful we got it bubbled after the fact.”  
  
“I really hope Lapis is okay.” Steven mumbled.  
  
*  
  
Lapis trudged through the bitter forest, the mangled trees blocking the sun. The thick shade was nearly impossible to see through, turning the forest into a mess of horrid illusions and wicked shapes. Her brain was coated in static, her mind running on autopilot. She forced herself to move forward, despite the pain in her bones. Every muscle ached, each movement a torrent of agony. Her vision began to twist into vivid, horrid images that sent an icy shiver through her spine. The sound of battle wrapped itself around her, a mirage of hundreds of gems attacking each other in cold blood. The air was dirty with the echos of punches, kicks, and screams of bloody murder that filled Homeworld for so long. Lapis’ legs buckled as the imaginary ground began to quake, the force of so many war torn fighters shaping the very planet they battled on.  
  
Lapis’ limbs flailed wildly, throwing desperate strikes at the violent figments. A small part of her knew what she was seeing wasn’t real, but her voice of reason was drowned out by violent shrieks of panic. She used the last of her energy to wing into the sky, haphazardly flinging herself through her lifelike nightmare. The sharp branches scratched at her skin, entangling her in a web of anguish. After several minutes she finally lost her momentum, scraping against the trees as she tumbled to the ground. Lapis hit the dirt with a thud, her stomach twisted into several rock solid knots. The sounds finally began to die down as her vision faded away.  
  
*  
  
Peridot paced around the barn impatiently, eyeing the warp pad from the open door. The blazing sun cut through the cool air, the cloudless sky showing no signs of movement. Her stomach did flips as her eyes swept the empty barn. Peridot’s footsteps echoed into the empty space, lonely and unheard. A mental image of the corrupted gem taunted her, laughing in her face despite the wrathful co-thrashing she’d delivered to it. She gritted her teeth at the thought, angry at it and herself for what had happened. She could still hear the faint sound of the other gems screaming in pain and shock as the water swamped them. She felt tiny, the weight of her guilt crushing her into microscopic size.  
  
“It’s all my fault.” she whispered to herself, “Why didn’t I listen to Amethyst? Lazuli wouldn’t have bothered to leave the barn if I didn’t get her to fall so hard for Pearl! Curse my perfect matchmaking skills!”  
  
The warp pad suddenly sprung to life, encouraging Peridot to sprint towards it. Amethyst and Steven stepped off of it, the latter wobbling around unevenly.  
  
“What happened to you?” Peridot asked.  
  
“Don’t worry about it. Did Lapis come back yet?” Steven coughed.  
  
“Negative.” Peridot sighed.  
  
Steven scratched his burning head, “I have a really bad feeling about this guys. Where could she be?”  
  
“Well,” Peridot stammered, “she does have a habit of flying around on her own, she’s probably just doing that.” Peridot said with fake confidence, “I’m sure she’ll be back in a few days.”  
  
“But what if she’s lost?!” Steven wailed, “What if she’s still in the forest looking for us?!”  
  
Peridot felt her heart drop through ground and shatter on impact. Her mind began to race faster than she thought possible, “Oh my stars...oh my stars! Of course she’s still looking for us! She must’ve woke up all alone and thought that horrid monster shattered us!”  
  
“That’s what I’ve been trying to say! We need to go find her!” Steven cried.  
  
“Guys, guys, calm down.” Amethyst insisted, “We can’t just-”  
  
Peridot grabbed Amethyst by the shoulders and shook her violently, “You don’t understand Amethyst! If something happened to Lapis it’ll be all my fault! Pearl will be single forever and I’ll have gotten my roommate shattered!”  
  
“Peridot...what are you talking about?” Steven asked quizzically.  
  
“Don’t worry about it,” Amethyst cut in, “let’s go get the others. We’re never gonna find her if you keep panicking.”  
  
“Good idea.” Peridot added, “We need to move quickly, who knows what kind of shape she’s in!  
  
*  
  
Lapis’ eyes blinked open as a painful consciousness forced its way back to her. Her entire body was numb, forcing itself to a stand without her input. She was caged within herself, watching from a distance as she trudged through to the woods. Lapis pushed and struggled against the walls of her psyche, desperate to drag herself back into control. The forest began to bend and change, melting away into a piecemeal amalgamation of shadowy scenes from her life.  
  
The ground was flat, polished glass covered in several inches of water. Crowds of warrior gems fought on all sides, too preoccupied with their bloodshed to pay Lapis any mind. The sounds were less bothersome now, a quiet rumble within a cloud of chaos. The splashes of water combined with the sounds of homicidal pummeling filled the empty space, doing little to deter Lapis’ mechanical movements. She peered upwards, catching a glance of Malachite stomping around in the distance. Her breaths became short, her heart thumping as she continued towards the goliathan fusion. A cold sweat run down her body as a serpentine gem slithered between her legs.  
  
“Hey look, there she is!” a voice boomed through the anarchic void.  
  
Lapis slowly turned, her soul jumping from her body at the sight. A towering gem was running towards her, baring her teeth and cackling manically as she closed the distance between them. Her sickly yellow eyes pierced the darkness, her wild mane of hair fluttering behind her like a demonic cape. Lapis spun around and ran, her exhausted legs carrying her feebly through the riotous forest. Her pursuer was persistent however, keeping up with her pace easily.  
  
“Lapis, wait! We’ve been looking everywhere for you! Where are you going?”  
  
“Go away!” Lapis shrieked.  
  
The chase continued for what felt like weeks, the scenery flowing on and on like an endless ocean. The sound of the other gem’s voice pounded against Lapis’ ears, “Lapis, why won’t you just listen?!”  
  
Lapis skidded to a halt, nearly tripping into a large puddle. She turned to face her enemy, the water behind her swirling and bubbling evilly. “No, you listen! I’m not afraid of you anymore...you’re the one who should be afraid of me you filthy quartz!”  
  
With one forceful movement, the puddle of water jumped forward, knocking her assailant to the ground with a painful-sounding impact. She watched with sick satisfaction as the other gem squirmed uselessly in the mud, unable to stand. With her last bit of energy drained, Lapis’ physical construct began to break down, fading away into light as she retreated into her gem.  
  
*  
  
It was several hours before Lapis had the strength to reform. Her body built itself slowly, bending and changing her light into its humanoid shape. She felt grounded, her vision clear and her mind at ease. She took a look around, unable to piece together where she was or what she had been doing. It was dark, the only light coming from the stars glittering from the window. She was at Steven’s house, right next to the stairs below his room. Her ears picked up what sounded like muttering and groaning, two distinct voices dancing together in the darkness. Her heart skipped a beat, someone was up there with Steven! Lapis’ mind immediately assumed the worst as she futilely tried to decipher Steven’s broken words. She slowly snuck up the stairs, careful not to make a sound. The first thing she saw was Pearl standing over Steven’s bed, a sight that brought just a hint of relief to Lapis’ mind. Her eyes then fell on Steven, forcing out a gasp of horror. He was flat on his back, most of his body covered in bandages. He didn’t appear to be conscious, meekly thrashing about in his sleep. Lapis jumped next to his bed, adrenaline flowing through her veins.  
  
“Steven what happened to you?!” she panicked.  
  
Pearl put a spear to Lapis’ head, the point a scant few centimeters from impaling her, “Get away from him, now!” she commanded.  
  
“P-Pearl, what’s going on? I want to help him!” Lapis pleaded.  
  
“Help him? You’re the one who did this to him!”  
  
“What are you talking about? I would never hurt Steven!”  
  
“I was _there_ Lapis. You insulted him and attacked him, you called him a ‘filthy quartz’! He was worried sick about him and you nearly killed him!” Pearl roared.  
  
“B-but...that isn’t...I thought he-”  
  
Pearl took a hearty swing towards Lapis, sending her flying down the stairs in an effort to avoid the attack. In a confused rage, Lapis shoved herself through the door, flying off into the night. She refused to look anywhere but straight ahead, ignoring the bloodthirsty calls to her back.  
  
“If you come anywhere near him, you’re going to be beyond sorry!”  



	16. Liquid Courage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the slow updates lately I swear I'm trying my hardest to keep my life in order but it ain't going well. Next one shouldn't take nearly as long.

Lapis soared through the dark sky, her heart pounding and her vision blurring. The shadowy night bent and twisted around her, hundreds of vague shapes confounding her sense of direction. She pressed onwards, only half sure of where she was headed. Her mind was wrapping around itself chaotically, the entirety of the past few minutes bouncing off the inside of her skull and reverberating into the darkest corners of her brain. Tears streamed down her face as her body began to pull itself towards the ground. She smacked face first into what she hoped was the side of the barn, falling limply into the slushy ground. Her body was enveloped in light as the door peered open.

“What the..? Lapis?!” Peridot’s voice echoed through the silent air, “Amethyst, help me get her inside!”

Lapis could barely see the pair of bodies helping her to her feet, practically dragging her inside the barn. Although the light stung her eyes a bit, she was thankful at what she saw. The inside of the barn was mostly empty, aside from the usual clutter, and the gems at her sides. Amethyst and Peridot guided Lapis to her hammock, where she flopped onto it readily. Her entire body trembled, the tears refusing to slow. She looked up at the pair of gems next to her, interjecting before they could question her.

“What did I do to Steven?” she asked, her voice dripping with terror.

“You kicked the snot out of him,” Amethyst said bluntly, “you threw him through a tree so fast he couldn’t even bubble himself.”

“B-but why?!” Lapis sputtered, “I barely remember anything!”

“You kept shouting ‘Jasper, Jasper get away from me!’” Peridot said, gesturing and doing a less-than-stellar impression of Lapis, “Then you retreated into your gem after a couple minutes.”

Lapis clutched the sides of her head, “That...that isn’t what I remember at all. I saw Jasper, and Malachite and..and-”

“Uh...how could Malachite be there if you and Jasper weren’t fused? Jasper wasn’t even around, she’s still bubbled in the temple.” Amethyst said.

“I...I think I had some sort of flashback. Everything seemed so real I...I had no idea where I was or what I was doing.”

“Are you okay now?” Peridot asked.

Lapis’ eyes slowly scanned the barn, shadows still dancing around the edges of her vision, “Mostly. I think.” she shook her head back and forth violently, “That’s not important! How long have I been out? How long has Steven been...broken?”

“Like, three days I think.” Amethyst said, “Steven refused to let go of your gem.”

“Three days?! Why is he still like that? Why can’t he heal himself?” Lapis barked.

“I don’t think he can move his neck enough,” Amethyst shrugged, “even if he could, Pearl would probably flip if he tried to move too much. She won’t even let me or Garnet near him.”

Lapis sat up, chuckling darkly, “You’re telling me. I was just on the business end of her spear a few minutes ago.”

“What?!” Amethyst and Peridot shouted in unison.

“She tried to take me out for what I did to Steven. Speaking of which, why don’t you two hate my guts like she does?”  
“Anyone who was even remotely paying attention would’ve seen that you weren’t in your right mind at the time.” Peridot explained, “Your flashback explanation perfectly coincides with your actions.”

“We know you wouldn’t try to hurt Steven on purpose.” Amethyst said simply.

Lapis shivered as her memory continued to piece itself together. She could almost see herself throwing Steven around like a ragdoll, shouting slurs at him while his body hit the ground. The guilt nearly made her cry, her entire being feeling weak. Lapis ran a hand over her forehead, forcing her exhausted body to stand, “Alright, we need to go help Steven. Are you two in?”

Amethyst and Peridot exchanged a cautious glance, “What’s the plan?” Amethyst shrugged.

*

The sun was barely peaking over the horizon, its golden light cutting through the morning fog. Pearl peered through the window uneasily, keeping an iron grip on her spear. Steven was asleep in his bed, making pained sounds in his sleep. She ran a hand over his fevered head, trying to ignore the pain and fatigue pulsing through her body. Her vision was starting to dim, showing her things she knew weren’t real. Everytime she closed her eyes she could still see Steven’s body being flung through a tree, the sound of the tree splintering stabbing her ears. Her heart dropped through the floor at the image, an immense feeling of guilt and betrayal taking hold of her. As angry as she was at Lapis, she couldn’t help but worry about her. She wouldn’t just attack Steven unprovoked, would she? Pearl shook her head, desperate to throw the thoughts away. The circumstances were irrelevant. Anyone who would do this to Steven deserved what was coming to them. The sound of the door creaking open snapped Pearl awake, provoking her to leap to the source of the sound, spear at the ready. Amethyst slid inside, Peridot in tow.

“Oh, it’s just you two.” Pearl mumbled.

“How’s Steven holding up?” Amethyst asked.

“He finally fell asleep, so a little better I suppose.” Pearl said, eyes still locked on the door, “I wouldn’t recommend getting too close to him.”

“Look P, you really oughta take a breather. You’ve been standing over him for days now.”

“I’m fine!” Pearl snapped, “I’m not leaving his side.”

“Pearl, you’re combat abilities are only going to diminish the longer you go without a break,” Peridot interjected, “Amethyst and I will watch over him in your stead while you regain your strength.”

Pearl eyed the pair apprehensively. They knew something she didn’t. Pearl silently blamed her current emotional state before saying, “I suppose you’re right. You two are to guard him with your life, and whatever you do, don’t let Lapis anywhere near him.”

Pearl marched into the temple, the door slamming shut behind her. Peridot stuck her head out the front door once Pearl was out of sight, “All clear!”

Lapis flew down from her hiding spot on the roof, entering the house with extreme caution. The three climbed up into Steven’s room, kneeling next to his bed with worry. His unconscious body stirred violently, what few parts of him could move jerking and kicking the open air. Lapis felt sick to her stomach. She did this to him, this was her own fault. She wanted to run, to fly far away where no one would ever find her again. But she knew she couldn’t, not yet at least. She reached out to touch him, his eyes popping open before she could.

“L..Lapis? Is that you?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah, it’s me.” Lapis said, trying her best not to cry, “Amethyst and Peridot are here too.”

Steven attempted to look up, a loud crack coming from somewhere within his body forcing him back down, “....So…..thirsty…”

Lapis quickly formed a pair of wings, funneling them into Steven’s mouth. Steven desperately drank from them for a few moments before coughing a bit of it back up.

“Are you alright?!” Lapis panicked.

“Yeah...that water just tastes really bad.” he laughed weakly.

“Steven, you need to try and heal yourself. Pearl has gone completely nuts.” Amethyst said.

“Okay...I’ll try.” Steven stuck out his tongue, unable to reach anywhere that actually mattered. He frantically attempted to stretch his tongue in ways that he knew it wouldn’t go, his body to wracked with pain to shapeshift it any bigger. He finally resorted to spitting at himself, narrowly missing each time. “I think I need help.”

The three gems moved to help him, gently putting their hands behind his head and shoulders. They slowly pushed him upward, causing him to groan in pain. He spat on himself as hard as he could, his torso glittering with gem magic. His body began to move a bit easier, allowing him to reach more of himself. Having to watch Steven spit n himself was sad, and a tad disturbing, but the gems knew there wasn’t any other way to help him. Once his body was mostly recovered, Steven began to peel his bandages away, licking his wounds like an antsy cat. He was nearly done when the temple door opened.

“What is going on in here?!” Pearl shrieked, “I told you not to let her anywhere near him!”

“Pearl, you need to calm down.” Amethyst insisted, “She didn’t mean to do it.”

“Who didn’t mean to do what?” Steven asked as he looked around at the tense room, “What’s going on?”

“Steven, get away from Lapis.” Pearl commanded, “She’s going to hurt you again.”

“Again?” Steven echoed, looking down at his mostly healed body, “Lapis didn’t-”

Lapis interrupted Steven with a hand on his shoulder, “No, she’s right. Steven, I’m the one who did this to you.”

“W-what?” Steven whimpered as the others looked on in shock, “Why?”

“I...I don’t know. I didn’t mean to but...Pearl’s right. I am dangerous. You should probably stay away from me from now on.” Lapis climbed down the steps, her eyes falling on Pearl one last time, “I’m really sorry.”

Lapis turned and walked out the door, leaving the other gems in a stunned silence. Steven had started crying, confusion, pain, and lack of meaningful rest forcing his tears out. Pearl stared at the empty doorway, a rainbow of different emotions making it impossible for her to form a singular thought. Amethyst and Peridot had similarly dumbfounded looks plastered on their faces. Steven’s sobs began to grow louder as he demanded explanations. No one dared to move or speak, simply allowing the sorrowful air to envelop them. 


	17. All That You Have Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the hiatus folks, updates should be at least semi-regular again for the time being. Your patience is appreciated as always.

It had been three days since anyone had seen or heard from Lapis. Peridot and Steven spent as much time as they could spare looking for her, traveling to and fro with the warp pads in an attempt to pinpoint where she was. Of course, with no leads to go on, their searches were completely fruitless. Whenever one of them came up with an inkling of where she may have run away to, they would always find their efforts in vain. It had really begun to seem like she had disappeared off the face of the earth. Their hope very quickly dwindled into nothingness, their spirits weary from repeated failures. They retired to the barn as the sun went down, Amethyst greeting them at the door with a melancholic expression.

“Did she come back?” Steven asked hopefully.

“Nope,” Amethyst sighed, “any idea where she might be?”

“Negative.” Peridot responded.

Steven looked down at the ground dejectedly, “I hope she’s okay. She doesn’t know any places on Earth besides Beach City.”

“She probably found shelter somewhere far away from human civilization.” Peridot guessed, “Of course, with her flight speed she could be anywhere on this planet by now.”

Steven’s body seized up, tears slowly streaming from his eyes, “I should get home before it gets too dark. Goodnight.” he said before quietly walking away. 

Peridot watched him leave, quickly retreating into the barn once he was out of sight. She clutched bunches of hair at the sides of her head, gritting her teeth and swearing at the ground. 

“That was one of the most miserable experiences of my life. He wouldn’t stop crying and shouting her name all over the place.”

“Poor kid, he’s really taking this hard.” Amethyst sighed.

“He kept asking me what happened, over and over.” Peridot groaned, “He thinks it’s all his fault, he doesn’t have any idea what’s going on.”

“What do you think we should do?” Amethyst inquired.

Peridot fought back tears as she felt her soul melt into the floor, “I don’t know. I don’t have anymore answers. Everytime I try to help it just gets worse.”

Amethyst plastered on a fake smile of confidence, “Come on, that isn’t true. Lapis was really happy up until recently. Your plan was working!”

“Yeah, right up until the part where she lost her mind and almost killed Steven.” Peridot said sarcastically.

Amethyst brought a hand to her chin in thought, “Come to think of it, why did she attack him anyway? It’s kinda messed up that she just knocked him out and then left.”

Peridot ran a hand over her face, taking a deep breath to collect her thoughts, “Lapis mentioned something about having visions, not knowing where she was or what she was doing. Her gem wasn’t damaged in any way, so I’m not sure what was causing her hallucinations.”

Amethyst scanned the barn, quickly locating and picking up Peridot’s tablet, “Maybe you can figure out what's up with her with this.”

Peridot took a half-glance at the device before slumping down to the floor, face in her hands, “I can’t help her, this is all my fault to begin with.”

Amethyst took a spot on the floor next to her, “Aw come on, don’t talk like that. Lapis was crazy before any of this happened.”

“She wouldn’t have snapped on that mission if she didn’t get so attached to Pearl. She wouldn’t have even _been_ there if it wasn’t for me trying to get them together. Why didn’t I just listen to you?!” Peridot whinned.

Amethyst threw an arm around Peridot, pulling her close and planting a kiss on her cheek, “Aw come on, Peri, if anyone can figure out where she is it’s you.”

“No I can’t! How on earth do you expect me to do that?!” Peridot shouted, burying her face in her hands.

Amethyst ran a gentle hand along Peridot’s back, “Peri, calm down. You don’t have to do it by yourself, I’m gonna help you.”

“It doesn’t matter if I have help, don’t you get it? I have no idea where she went, and no way to find out!” Peridot croaked.

Amethyst grabbed Peridot’s shoulders, forcing her into eye contact, “Look, you helped Steven beat the Cluster, tracked down those evil rocks for Pearl, and figured out how to get us fused. You can do this, I believe you.”

“How can you blindly believe in me? I wouldn’t even know where to start.” Peridot huffed.

Amethyst smirked before saying, “Because I love you, that’s how.”

Peridot felt her face get warm as she took the tablet from Amethyst’s hand, “Well...if you insist, I’ll try and think of something.” She leaned against Amethyst’s side as she opened the web browser.

“That’s better, Amethyst sang as she stole another kiss, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Peridot responded before huffing, “See? This, why can’t Lapis be like this? If she just gave Pearl a chance, none of this would be happening!”

“Oh here we go again.”

“I’m serious!” Peridot insisted, “She would have a much happier future if she...wait...that’s it! The future!”

“Uh...what?”

Peridot sprung up, dragging Amethyst out of the barn and onto the warp pad, “I may have just come up with a solution! But we’re going to need to find Garnet first.”

*

Pearl hummed to herself as she tidied up the house, making extra sure that everything was in pristine condition. The past few days had been quiet and uneventful, a welcome respite from the usual chaos that surrounded her domain. She stepped back and took a look at her handiwork. Everything was spotless, every surface looking new and unblemished. Every one of Steven’s toys was put away in an orderly fashion, his room looking like it hadn’t been lived in in quite some time. Pearl let out a happy sigh as she admired the unmoving scenery. Pearl felt the last bit of stress she had float away, her mind free and clear. This sort of work always helped ease her thoughts. Not that she had anything to try and forget. Certainly not any sort of feelings of doubt or guilt. That’d be ridiculous. 

Pearl’s eyes fell on the door as Steven walked in. He trudged up to his room and threw himself onto his bed without a word. Pearl instinctively opened her mouth to speak, but hesitated for a moment. She had a sinking suspicion that she knew where this situation was going. She followed him up the steps and sat at the side of his bed. Pearl waited without a word, expecting Steven to say something. The air stayed uncomfortably silent, Steven apparently not noticing or caring that Pearl was right next to him. 

“Steven,” Pearl said slowly, “is something upsetting you?”

Steven looked up for only a second before burying his face in the pillow once more, “No.”

“I uh...I see. If that’s the case, I suppose I’ll just give you some space. Goodnight.” Pearl stood and made for the temple door. She stopped just a few steps before it and looked behind her, “Are you sure everything is okay?”

Steven peeked up at Pearl, “I need you to promise you won’t get mad at me.”

Pearl took a few steps closer, “Steven, of course I won’t get mad at you.” Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Amethyst, Peridot, and I have been looking for Lapis. We-”

“I thought I told you to stay away from her.” Pearl growled.

“I can’t just let her run away!” Steven retorted, “Who knows what kind of trouble she could get into!”

“Steven, she is dangerous.” Pearl explained, “She could have seriously hurt you or any of the other gems.”

“There’s something wrong with her, she wouldn’t just attack me for no reason!”

“I don’t care what her reason is!” Pearl shouted, her promise long broken, “If she can’t control herself, then she has no place here.”

“But I can help her! You can help her! She trusts us!” Steven cried out.

Pearl turned away, unable to look at him any longer, “I tried to help her Steven. I really did.”

Pearl jumped when she felt a hand at her side, not expecting Steven to be there, “You still can! She needs help now more than ever. Look, I promise, once I know she’s safe I’ll stay away from her. I just don’t want anything to happen to her.”

An indescribable feeling washed over Pearl in that instant. One look at the pain in Steven’s eyes told Pearl that he was being completely serious. Her stomach did flips as a thousand pounds of guilt crushed her body. Pearl could make out a familiar feeling of uncertainty, that only seemed to lighten when she allowed his words to sink in. Pearl’s mind felt tangled and muddy, her thoughts a complete mess. After what seemed like several moments of futile attempts, Pearl was able to internally compose herself enough to ask herself a couple of questions. What would Rose do? Would she be so ready to forgive a violent, possibly sociopathic gem? Would she dedicate this much energy to someone who probably didn’t deserve it? Pearl couldn’t help but crack a defeated smile when she realized what a stupid set of questions those were. She knelt down to meet Steven’s gaze.

“Steven, if you really believe we can help Lapis, I don’t have a reason to distrust you. I’ll help you any way I can.”

Steven threw his arms around her neck, tears streaming down his face, “Thank you Pearl. I know you really hate Lapis right now but...but..”

Pearl quietly shushed him, assuring him everything was going to be okay, “Steven, I don’t hate her. She just...reminds me too much of myself.”


	18. The Odd Adventures Of Lapis Lazuli

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for flying Air-Lapis™, please buckle your seat-belts, as we appear to be experiencing emotional turbulence.

The cold air bit at Lapis’ skin as she weaved around the clouds, her aquatic wings carrying her at unparalleled speed. Small ice crystals had formed in her hair, her entire being feeling bare against the frigid winds. The sky around her was quickly growing dark, the sun’s bright rays fading away into the distance. Flying in the dark wasn’t an issue in and of itself, but the angry clouds surrounding Lapis were about to cause more than low visibility. She dove towards the ground, pushing her way through the clouds as a storm began to assault the land below. Her feet touched the ground as thunder clapped above her head. With a hand toward the sky, she forced the rain away from her, keeping her dry as she continued her journey on foot. The land around her was unfamiliar and generally unremarkable. Nothing more than a simple dirt path cutting through a forest in the middle of nowhere. Aside from the rain pattering on the lush grass, the air was completely silent. Lapis walked deeper into the trees, aimlessly following the soil to wherever it may lead. Lapis’ mind was a twisted heap of uncertainty and unpleasant memories, making it incredibly difficult for her to think clearly. It felt as if she hadn’t had a complete thought for the past three days, her body pushing itself forward almost automatically. But even so, she knew why she was here. She knew why she couldn’t go back.

She was a monster.

Steven’s face cropped up into her mind’s eye from time to time, covered in bruises and scratches as he writhed in pain. The image was usually accompanied by the discordant sound of Pearl’s voice screeching in anger. Lapis’ body trembled at the thought. It was her fault. She was dangerous, unstable, and practically defective. What she did to Steven, to Pearl, it was all inexcusable. Lapis looked up to the dark sky, where a few more memories played out. To her surprise, they weren’t troublesome. At least, they weren’t meant to be. She could see herself and Pearl, sitting together in the barn as Pearl taught her how to read. Just next to that scene was their battle against the cubic robonoids, and beyond that was the two of them playing video games with Amethyst and Peridot. Lapis’ stomach dropped into her feet as her mind forced her to relive one last memory. She could just barely remember her meltdown at Pearl’s lake, the feeling of tears streaming down her face when Pearl embraced her. Lapis’ body shook as she futilely tried to force it away. The feeling of being held so securely, as if she were the most important thing in that moment. Pearl’s words drumming against her ears as she reassured her that everything was going to be okay, that she was there for her. Lapis lost her grip on the rain, the storm pelting her full force as she began to sob. She grinded to a halt, her body suddenly feeling as if it were made of steel. As the winds howled around her, she found herself howling back.

“I’m sorry okay?! I didn’t want this! I never wanted any of this!”

She slumped against a tree, hugging her knees to her chest as the sound of thunder drowned out her whimpers. The rain bombarded her relentlessly, soaking her to the bone. Try as she might, she couldn’t steady her nerves enough to regain control of the water around her. She grit her teeth together as her spirit began to rot. A Lapis Lazuli at the mercy of the very element she was made to control, it was pathetic. All of a sudden, Lapis realized she couldn’t feel the rain on her skin any longer. She picked her head up and was surprised to see a short, wrinkly human standing over her with an umbrella over both of their heads.

“Excuse me young lady,” the old human woman asked, “may I ask why you’re sitting out here in the rain all by yourself?”

“How did you know I was out here?” Lapis barked.

“I heard someone yelling outside, and I figured someone needed some help. Please, come with me out of the cold.”

Lapis held her head as she slowly stood, convinced she was looking at another grief-induced hallucination. The human handed the umbrella to Lapis, who held it high above the two of them as she followed behind her. Lapis took this chance to get a better look at the illusion that was accompanying her. The very top of her scraggly gray hair barely reached Lapis’ chest, and her small body was wrapped in a dark blue shawl. She seemed to know where she was going at least, silently navigating them through the shadowy forest. It was a short few minutes before the woman found what she was looking for, a small wooden house tucked in between several trees, as if it were trying to blend into the forest. She led Lapis inside, the hot air inside nearly knocking her over. Her eyes fell on the roaring fireplace in the back of the house, illuminating and warming the small enclosure. The house was simple on the inside, the kitchen and living room being separated only by one’s imagination. The living room housed the large brick fireplace, a pair of recliners situated in front of it. A wooden door sat in the corner of the house, although it was impossible to tell where it led. Lapis chuckled to herself, taking small comfort in the fact that she could at least be cozy as she descended into madness.

“Make yourself at home dearie, try and dry off some.” the old woman instructed.

Lapis dropped herself into one of the cushiony chairs, watching the woman do the same next to her, “Aren’t you afraid of me?” Lapis asked bluntly.

“Why would I be?”

Lapis looked at the human incredulously, “I’m a blue-skinned freak you found out in the woods. Most people would be afraid of that.”

The woman simply laughed in response, “Oh dear, I’ve seen scarier things in my life than a young woman with radical ways of expressing herself.”

It took a lot of Lapis’ willpower to not point out that she was likely thousands of years older than this woman, so instead she said, “If you say so.”

“Now, why don’t you tell me what you were doing out there all alone.”

Lapis folded her arms across her chest silently. She knew she didn’t have to tell this woman anything. She had half a mind to go marching back out into the rain. But in spite of that, she replied, “I have nowhere to go.”

The woman’s mouth curled into a frown, “Oh dear, I’m sorry to hear that. How long have you been traveling out here?”

“Three days...I think.” Lapis said, “Time starts to blend together after a while.”

“You don’t have to tell me that dearie.” the old woman laughed, “These days I have a hard time remembering yesterday from a few decades ago.” She paused for a moment before adding, “Where is it you’re coming from?”

Lapis looked towards the ground, the towering kindergartens of Homeworld taking shape in her mind, “Far. Very, very far away. And the worst part is that I can’t ever go back.”

“Oh dear,” the woman’s voice trembled, “may I ask why?”

Lapis didn’t look up, keeping her vision to the ground. Her voice shook as she spoke, “I hurt someone. I didn’t mean too I just...it just happened. I wish I could take it back but I-I…” Lapis’ voice trailed off into a silent whimper.

“Oh dear, I didn’t mean to upset you. I’ll be right back.” 

The woman rushed through the door behind her, leaving Lapis alone. She took the opportunity to force the water out and off of her clothing, watching it evaporate into the air as her body began to shake. The torturous feeling of her mind falling apart spread throughout her entire body, leaving her exhausted and weak. She sunk into the chair, taking a few chaotic breaths in an effort to comfort herself. The room began to shift and change, the hallucination finally giving way. Static filled her ears as her heart pounded into her throat. Her body broke out into a freezing sweat as she dug her nails into the armrests. Lapis squeezed her eyes shut, preparing herself for the worst. This went on for several moments before Lapis finally blacked out.

*

The sun shone through the window as Lapis slowly, painfully woke up. Her entire body felt bruised and battered, as if she had just spent the entire night fighting. She found herself sitting inside of a small house, a heavy blanket draped over her. There was unlit fireplace sitting in front of her, a small pile of charcoal smoldering inside of it. Her eyes widened a bit as she realized what she thought was a simple illusion was completely real. Lapis forced herself up as the elderly woman pushed herself through back inside, carrying a dark green bag over her shoulder.

“Oh, you’re awake!” she said cheerfully, “This is for you.”

Lapis opened the bag cautiously, finding it full of food with a leather canteen sitting on top of it all. “I don’t need food, I-”

“No no, I insist. Take it.” 

Lapis’ eyes shifted between the woman and the bag, “Why are you being so nice to me?”

The woman motioned for Lapis to follow her outside. The pair stood in the morning sun for a moment before the conversation picked back up, “I may not look like it now, but I used to hitchhike all over the country. That’s how I ended up here, in fact. I settled and built my life here, because I had seen everything I was willing to see. You have a lot more sightseeing to do young lady, I’m merely doing my part to help.”

Lapis wasn’t sure what to say, but luckily for her, the old woman was content to keep speaking.

“It was thanks to my adventures that I was able to have all I did throughout my life. My friends, my family, my business, so seeing you out in the world reminds me a bit of my own youth I suppose.” she laughed.

“You have a business?” Lapis asked.

The woman’s smile quickly grew sour, “Well, _had_ one. I used to run a bookstore just to the west of here. I couldn’t afford to keep it however, so now the building just sits and rots.”

“It sounds like that place was really important to you.”

“It was but, there’s nothing I can do about it now.” the woman sighed. “Take care of yourself dearie.” she said before making her way back inside.

“Thanks.” Lapis called awkwardly behind her as she disappeared back into her house.

Lapis had a hard time figuring out exactly what she was feeling. Guilt? Empathy? Sorrow? Or perhaps a mixture of all three? Whatever the case, Lapis suddenly had an idea worm its way into her head. With no other leads to go from, she winged to the sky and made her way west. She kept the bag held close her chest as she flew, her eyes scanning the mess of trees below. Her thoughts of Pearl and Steven pushed themselves aside, leaving her with a moment of determination fueled peace. She felt the wind in her hair, the sun on her skin. For the first time in days, Lapis shed a smile. She finally felt like she was doing the right thing. After a few minutes of flying, a building sticking out of the trees caught her eye, causing her to throw herself towards the ground. She tied the bag around her waist as she touched down in front of the decrepit building. 

It certainly wasn’t much to look at, just a rotting wooden building without even so much as a door on it anymore. Lapis slipped in, the smell of must and mold nearly choking her. Her feet squished against the soaked carpet that adorned the floor as she took in her surroundings. A few massive shelves surrounded her, each containing a handful of books. Luckily, the cases had glass over the front, protecting the books from the elements that the tattered building could not. The rest of the books must have either been sold before the store closed, or stolen shortly after. Lapis shrugged, admittedly content that there wasn’t terribly much to work with. Lapis started on the right side, working her way around the store as quickly as she could. She piled the books into her arms, throwing them all into a single case. The titles whizzed past her as she moved, all belonging to countless genres. Fantasy, mystery, romance, horror, millions of words worth of information that had sat here for who knows how long. When she finally made it to the opposite wall, she found herself looking at what must’ve once been the self help section. She brought her hand up, pulling out a jet black book with bright red letters spelling out ‘ _How to deal with Depression_ ’ 

“I think I’ll keep this one.” she said to herself as she slipped it into her bag.

Lapis piled the rest of the books into the shelf, having just enough room to fit them all within it. She searched around for a few minutes, locating the cash register next to the door. There was no money inside, but she did find a stack of sticky notes and a few pens sitting next to it. She stuck one on the front of the glass, scribbling out a quick message on it as evenly as she could. Her writing was still a bit choppy, but she was fairly sure she spelt everything right.

“Thanks for the food,” she read out loud, “perfect. Now for the hard part.”

Lapis threw her hands up, pulling all the water from the walls around her. The building creaked and moaned as a few pieces of it gave way, the flow of the water disturbing the ancient structure. She forced it to take the shape of a bubble around the shelf, careful not to let it actually touch it. It rose up as Lapis guided it outside, keeping it next to her as she brought herself back into the air. It wasn’t easy, keeping herself steady whilst also lifting the shelf above her head. Every muscle in her body worked full force to balance it all, but she pushed herself through the strain. She carefully dropped it off in front of the old woman’s house, giving the door a hearty knock before taking off. Even though Lapis could no longer see her, the woman’s surprised gasp carried for miles.

“Now that that’s taken care of,” Lapis laughed, “where should I go next?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this story is winding down to a close. I don't wanna spoil anything of course, but there's maybe 6 chapters left max. (Possibly less if I end up condensing/cutting certain things.) So before the very end I wanted to gauge some interest, if you wouldn't mind. How interested would you be about more stories in the Field Testing..."timeline" I suppose? I have an idea here or there floating around, and it'd be a while before such a thing would get put up, but I just don't want to go running it into the ground. Was just wondering what you as the readers thought of the idea. Either way, thanks for all the support on this, and Field Testing, and I'll see you next chapter. ^_^


	19. Plan B

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It always pays to have a backup plan.

_Dealing with depression requires action, but taking action when you’re depressed can be hard. Sometimes, just thinking about the things you should do to feel better, like exercising or spending time with friends, can seem exhausting or impossible to put into action._

“Yeah, no duh.”

Lapis sighed at the book in her hands, taking her eyes off of it to instead take in what was around her. The hot sun blanketed the tiny patch of forest she had flown to, forcing her to take shelter beneath the shade of a tall birch tree. The grassy land was nearly bare, a flat plateau with a sparse amount of trees dotted here and there. The air was just as vacant, not a single animal nor insect to be heard. It was almost as if the world had been reduced to little more than Lapis and her book. The eerie stillness made Lapis shiver, as if she were not truly alone. She forced her gaze away from the empty landscape and buried it back into her book.

_Taking the first step is always the hardest. But going for a walk or getting up and dancing to your favorite music, for example, is something you can do **right now**. And it can substantially boost your mood and energy for several hours—long enough to put a second recovery step into action, such as preparing a mood-boosting meal or arranging to meet an old friend. By taking the following small but positive steps day by day, you’ll soon soon lift the heavy fog of depression and find yourself feeling happier, healthier, and more hopeful again._

Well that sounded disgustingly familiar. Why couldn’t she just sleep until she wasn’t sad anymore? Why must she always venture out of her comfort zone? It was comfy in there! She plucked a leaf from a branch overhead and used it as a bookmark as she tucked the tome away into her bag. Slinging the forest-colored purse of her shoulder, she took the first literal steps towards recovery. She stepped out of the shade, squinting as the overbearing light wrapped around her body. She ventured forward, treading slowly along the soft grass. She took in a lungful of humid air as her eyes fell upon the landscape. She was sitting atop a lush hill, far away from any sort of human civilization. The old woman’s house must’ve been a few dozen miles away by now. The only reason Lapis had even bothered to stop was due to the heat, although it was still a great deal better than dealing with the snow and ice back home.

Home. 

Lapis shook the thought away, she didn’t have a home anymore. She barely even had one to begin with. The stench of hopelessness soaked through her entire being, her body feeling heavy. She blankly stared at the ground as she trudged down the hill. What was the point of it all? Where was she going? What was she even hoping to accomplish? Lapis forced herself to a halt. She found herself at the bottom of the hill, her stomach churning as she tried to ignore the muggy air. A wafting scent snapped her out of her thoughts, if only for a moment. In her despondent state, she hadn’t noticed the many flowers decorating the base of the hill. A bed of pink and red blooms colored the uneven ground, the torrid air carrying their aroma far and wide. Lapis cracked a tiny smile as a wave of nostalgia washed over her, the countless hours spent growing plants with Peridot all rushing back at once. She sat among the flowers, reaching for her book once more.

“I actually kinda miss that little weirdo.” she admitted quietly.

*

Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Steven were squashed together onto the couch. Peridot had gathered them all there, before bolting off and insisting that none of them move. The moment she had left, silence had overtaken the house. The seconds lazily stretched into minutes, as if Father Time himself had decided to torture them. Pearl had a sinking feeling she knew what all of this was about, but her mouth stayed firmly shut. Guilt had twisted her stomach into a rusty iron knot and left her skin blisteringly cold. Pearl didn’t know what Peridot’s plan to get Lapis back was, but she knew that whether it worked or not, the results weren’t going to be pleasant. Steven’s gaze was fixated at the floor, his hands restlessly drumming on his legs. Pearl could only look at him for moment before a tear stung her eyes, forcing her to turn away. Amethyst was half hanging off the arm of the couch, more bored than distressed.

“What is taking her so long?” Amethyst groaned.

“I’m sure she’ll be back soon.” Garnet said, “In fact, I bet she’ll be here right about-”

A pillar of light exploded off the warp pad as Peridot teleported in, clutching her tablet under her arm, “I’m here! I found it!”

“Now.” Garnet smiled.

“I take it you predicted my arrival? What a coincidence, that’s exactly why I needed you here.” Peridot said as she sat down on the floor in front of Garnet.

“Peridot, what exactly is going on?” Pearl asked quietly.

“I think I may have figured out how to find Lapis.” Peridot said as she powered her tablet on.

“You did?!” Steven exclaimed, teary-eyed. “How?! Where is she?!”

“Well I’m not exactly sure,” she continued before pointing a finger at Garnet, “but I bet she is.”

“Why would Garnet know where Lapis is?” Pearl squawked. “She hasn’t even been searching with you three.”

“Simple, all I need is for Garnet to use her future vision t show us where Lapis is going to head next. I’ll take down all the information, and then we can use the warp pads to pinpoint her location!” Peridot explained, obviously proud of herself.

“Good thinking Peri.” Amethyst smirked, “You heard her Garnet, start future-ing it up!”

Garnet was silent for a minute before admitting, “I’m not sure that plan will work.”

“Why not?” Peridot asked incredulously.

“Time isn’t a straight and narrow path. It is a winding labyrinth of twists, turns, and dead ends. I can see hundreds of possible futures and outcomes, but I can’t tell you for sure what’s about to happen. It’s all a matter of deduction.”

Peridot threw her hands into the air, “Great, just perfect.” she deadpanned, “What do we do now?”

“Peridot, you know Lapis better than anybody,” Steven began as he held back a few tears, “why don’t you let Garnet give you future vision? Then maybe you could figure it out.”

Peridot’ wide-eyed stare fell on Garnet, “You can give me the ability to look into the future?”

“Only for a brief moment.” she rose to a stand before turning to Amethyst, “Amethyst, do you mind if I do this?”

“Alright, but don’t get any funny ideas!” Amethyst huffed half-jokingly.

“Alright Peridot, hold still.”

Garnet knelt down and planted a quick kiss on Peridot’s forehead. An unbelieveable amount of gem magic filled Peridot’s brain in what seemed like an instant. She could see everything. Years worth of outcomes and possibilities assaulting her senses with ruthless fervor. She felt as if she were experiencing a hundred different scenarios at once, experiencing every single one as if she were really there. Her skin began to tingle as her vision went dark. Just like that, it was all gone. Every sensation and sound ripped from her subconscious like an old band-aid. As she blinked her eyes open, she found herself staring at the ceiling. Amethyst was next to her, looking over her.

“Are you okay? You kinda passed out for a sec there.” Amethyst said as she hoisted Peridot back up.

“I..think so.” Peridot winced, trying to ignore her throbbing head, “Peridots weren’t meant to have that level of comprehension.”

“Clairvoyance can be a lot to handle. I probably should have warned you.” Garnet admitted.

“Yeah well, it probably helps that you have two brains in there to work everything out.” Peridot grumbled, rubbing her temples.”

A smile creeped across Amethyst’s face as Peridot’s words sunk in, “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

Peridot’s eyes lit up like brilliant stars, “Let’s do it.”

Amethyst cupped Peridot’s face, pulling her in for a long kiss. Their gems began to glow, enveloping one another’s bodies in a warm light. Their physical forms eventually gave way, fusing the two into Purple Ammolite. Ammolite stayed seated on the floor for a few minutes, inspecting herself to be sure she was stable. She eventually forced herself up, albeit a bit shakily. With one pair of arms crossed over her chest and another placed on her hips, she gave Garnet a mischievously wide smile.

“Alright, lay it on me Garnet.” 

Garnet smooched Ammolite’s forehead, sending another wave of visionary magic her way.

“Focus on Lapis, focus on Lapis.” Ammolite whispered to herself as the visions began to appear.

Ammolite’s body felt as if it were flowing down a river, the raging rapids hurling her to and fro. To her sides her various scenes of the future, some that seemed to stretch on forever, whilst others were barely a split second. She wasn’t exactly sure how, but she could feel Lapis’ presence somewhere in this confusing mess. Ammolite’s head whipped around wildly as she tried to track her down, but her eyes were littered by too many worthless visions to see anything of note. With a deep breath, she forced as many of them away as she could, desperately trying to cling to what she hoped was Lapis. Suddenly, the river stopped. She found herself in a calm pool, the sky above playing a scene from Lapis’ own eyes. Hot air fluttered down from above as a light rain began to fall. It looked like Lapis was flying through a swamp of some kind, but it wasn’t a place Ammolite could claim to recognize. It didn’t take long for the light sprinkle to evolve into a massive storm. Ammolite could faintly hear Lapis begin to shout, her words drowned out by the wind and rain. As she strained herself to listen, the vision suddenly began to fade.

“No, no!” Ammolite shouted as Garnet’s magic ran out, the visions burning away, “I almost had it!”

“What did you see?” Pearl asked.”

“There was a swamp. It was raining really hard and...she was talking, but I couldn’t see anyone with her.”

“It’s not much, but it is a start.” Garnet said.

“Maybe now we can figure out where to start looking!” Steven said, his voice sounding excited for the first time in days.

“Was there anything special about this swamp Ammolite? Any distinguishing landmarks or features?” Pearl asked hopefully.

“Besides the alien talking to herself in the middle of it? Not really.” Ammolite said as she rubbed the back of her head, “Get the chapstick Garnet, this might take a few tries.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to apologize for the long wait, especially since the chapter didn't end up being terribly long in the end. Thank you so much for your patience and support. I don't wanna go into a lot of detail, but to put it simply, life decided to pile a lot on me at once and I didn't have as much time to work on this as I nearly would have liked. The final chapters are coming soon though, very soon. I promise.


	20. Heat Stroke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter, and the chapters following it, in total have received/are receiving a good 15 or so rewrites. Wanna make sure everything's perfect, ya know?

Ammolite hunched over her tablet, rubbing the side of her head incredulously. After almost an hour of attempting to predict the future, she found herself sitting atop a pile of mostly worthless information. The words in front of her blended together into a headache inducing mess. Pearl and Steven were attempting to map out where the warp pad closest to Lapis might be. Emphasis on _might_.

“So there’s a swamp, a warp pad, a forest,” Pearl said quietly, “that doesn’t exactly narrow it down.”

“I think she’s close by,” Ammolite grumbled, “she wasn’t flying very fast to begin with, and she stopped for a while. Assuming all of this is a timeline that actually happened.” Ammolite looked up at Garnet, “How have you not gone completely insane?”

“You get used to it.” she replied simply, “Want to give it another try?”

“One more time.”

Garnet planted a quick kiss on Ammolite’s forehead, right where Peridot’s gem sat. Her vision went dark, the sounds in the room fading away into complete silence. To her surprise (and slight horror) no visions came. However, she began to hear something in the distance.

“No...No!” A voice called, “Get away from me!”

A thunderous rumbling shook Ammotlie’s body as dozens of heavy objects fell all around her. She instinctively tried to run, but her body would not budge. She could still faintly hear Lapis yelling, but it was hard to make out what she was saying over the chaos that surrounded her. Everything went quiet again as the magic wore off.

“Well that was pointless.” Ammolite spat, “Do you guys have any ideas?”

“The only other option we have is to randomly search around with the warp pads, but that could take forever.” Pearl said.  
“Well, not completely random.” Ammolite pointed out, “I’ve been taking down these notes for a reason.” Ammolite took a moment to study what she had in front of her, “How many warp pads are near swamps and also within, say, a days worth of travel from the barn?”

“I don’t really have an exact number but...um..” Pearl’s voice sounded hopeless, “If only we had some sort of landmark to go off of...”

“Garnet do you think you could look this time? My head is starting to hurt.” Ammolite asked.

“I can try, but like I said before, there are no guarantees.”

Ammolite stood up and paced around the room, one set of arms folded behind her back. “Just try to focus on Lapis. Pay attention to her surroundings.”

Garnet went silent for a few minutes, her body completely still. “I see a field. She’s reading a book under the only tree for miles. There’s a warp pad in a cave nearby, but she’s moving away from it.”

Ammolite slapped her head in frustration, “A field?! Where on Earth is there a dry field next to a rainy swamp? She could be miles away by now!”

“Ammolite, calm down.” Garnet said.

“I don’t wanna calm down! I wanna find Lapis!” She yelled.

“We all wanna find Lapis,” Steven interjected, “but we don’t have a lot to go off of.”

“Wait a minute,” Pearl piped up, “where did she get a book?”

“Well ya see Pearl, just last week they invented these amazing things called _libraries_.” Ammolite said with sarcastic vitriol.

“When would she have had time to stop and pick up a book from a library? She must’ve picked it up on her way to the field.” Pearl reasoned.

“So that means if there’s a bookstore or something in the swamp, we’re on the right track!” Steven exclaimed.

“Hmm...that stands to reason, I suppose.” Ammolite mumbled.

“I’m gonna call Connie, if anyone knows about bookstores it’s her!” Steven said as he ran off into the other room.

“Let’s hope Lapis is too wrapped up in that book to fly away again.” Pearl said.

*

**Behavioral Strategies:**  
_A key feature of depression is inactivity. People find that they are doing less and then feel even worse because they are doing less. Behavioural strategies for depression aim to identify and change aspects of behaviour that may worsen depression. People are encouraged to act against the depression by increasing activities, even though this is the last thing that they feel like doing. Relevant behavioural strategies include activity scheduling, social skills training, structured problem solving, and goal planning. One of the advantages of this form of treatment for depression is that once acquired, these new behavioural styles can be applied throughout life, minimising relapse or recurrence of depression._  
  
Lapis made a defeated sputtering noise as she finished the latest section of her book. She found it making her ironically depressed, mostly due to its uncanny accuracy. The sun baked her skin as she lay among the ovate flowers, her body feeling incredibly heavy. Lapis took in a lungful of humid air as she forced her lethargic body to stand. Her joints cracked and popped as she stretched. She wondered to herself how long she had been laying there, surveying her surroundings whilst she waited for her body to regain its circulation. Her eyes stopped on the hill she had been loitering next to, a gentle slope that seemed to rise all the way to the heavens. The dry grass crunched under her feet as she began to make her way forward, unaware of where she was going or why. Her tired legs pulled her along, the scent of the many flowers clinging to her clothes. Lapis reached the top of the hill, stopping to take another look around. Behind her stretched the massive, dry field that she had spent the past few hours dawdling in. Ahead of her was more of the same, miles of arid plants and empty air. Unsure of what to do next, she pulled her book out again.

**Cognitive Strategies:**  
_People who are depressed will usually show a style of thinking that focuses on negative views of the world. They often think of themselves as worthless and of the world as being a bad or unfair place, and they are without hope that their lives will improve in the future. When something bad happens, they blame themselves, but when good things happen, they tell themselves they are just lucky. Furthermore, people with depression are less likely to recognize and appreciate positive events when they happen; rather, they tend to be more tuned into the bad things in their lives and brood over those events.  
The aim of a cognitive approach is to help people identify and correct their distorted and negatively biased thoughts. This approach identifies and challenges underlying assumptions and beliefs. With encouragement to reframe the way they think about life, people are able to recover from failures more effectively and to recognise and take credit for the good things in their lives. People learn that they have some control over what happens to them. As with behavioural strategies, having these skills reduces relapse and recurrence of depression._

“Helpful.” she spat. “Real helpful.”

Lapis jumped down from her spot on the hill, landing firmly on the crunchy meadow below. Her train of thought slowed to a frustrating crawl, leaving her unable to formulate a complete thought. Her entire body felt just as numb, as if she were moments away from fading out of existence. Lapis let out an exasperated breath, rubbing the back of her head. She found herself mindlessly moving in small circles, watching her feet below her. She finally looked up, eyes widening at what was in front of her. Lapis found herself staring into the mouth of a dark cave, disguising itself as a hill from the other side. She poked her head in curiously, finding nothing but a small, empty space. It actually looked kinda cozy, if a bit dark. The gears in Lapis’ head began to turn, and she hesitantly decided to put some of that ‘positive thinking’ her book was going on about. 

“I couldn’t make a home back at the barn, but...that doesn’t mean I can’t do it right this time.”

*

The warp pad burst to life, a brilliant pillar of ivory light piercing through the barren field. The gems stepped off, surveying their new surroundings with an air of disorientation and conviction. Ammolite was the first to step off, gripping the side of her aching head with one hand.

“Steven, this is the fourth random field you’ve brought us to,” she groaned, “I thought you figured out where Lapis went.”

“Look, there’s a lot of fields around here okay?!” he retorted, “I bet she’s here though, there aren’t any other fields for hundreds of miles.”

Pearl looked out into the dry distance, “That might be because this one field goes on for hundreds of miles.” she said glumly.

“Let’s split up and cover more ground.” Garnet said, “Everyone has their phones on them?” When she received nods from the rest of the group, she continued, “Alright, if one of us finds Lapis, we’ll contact the others before doing anything else. Now, let’s move!”

The group split and began trekking through the dehydrated meadow. Ammolite was still nursing a headache, the relentless sun not helping much. Pearl’s hands fidgeted at her sides, her stomach doing flips as she practiced what she was going to say to Lapis. Garnet found herself continuously looking back and forth towards either Steven or Pearl, silently worrying about what may happen next. Steven moved along slower than the others, double checking his phone. Connie’s assertions about the old bookstore were correct, at least, he was fairly certain they were correct. Intercepting Lapis before she could get much farther was their only hope, if they couldn't find her now, who knows where she’d end up. He gazed out into the distance, futilely trying to pinpoint which direction Lapis would most likely be heading. With a heavy sigh, he sprinted in what he was at least 80% sure was the right direction, desperately trying to ignore how difficult the blazing sun made this task. Pearl watched him disappear into the distance, making sure he was completely out of sight before she allowed the tears to flow.

Pearl silently weeped as she forced her body to move, her entire being feeling ungodly heavy. This was all her fault, she knew it and there was nothing she could do about it. Even if by some miracle she was the one who found Lapis, what could she even say? What could she even do? The fact still remained that she really didn't feel like she deserved forgiveness. Lapis trusted her and she had thrown it all away. She so desperately wished she could take it all back, to go back to when her and Lapis still had a beautiful budding friendship. But it was much too late for that, and Pearl's heart broke at the thought. Pearl suddenly found herself falling into the dirt, letting out a surprised yelp as she tumbled downwards. She threw her head back to try and figure out what exactly she had tripped on, and was surprised to find Ammolite sitting in the brush, one set of hands gripping her head, the other holding her legs to her chest.

“Ammolite? What are you doing?” Pearl asked as she wiped away the remnants of her tears.

“My head. Hurts. So much.” Ammolite breathed, “I can hardly move.”

Pearl pulled herself up and sat herself next to Ammolite, “Are you going to be alright? Should I call the others back so we can get you home?”

“No no, I’ll be fine. We gotta find Lazuli before she can get too far.” Ammolite said, gripping her head as if it were ready to explode.

Pearl looked down at the ground dejectedly, her words slow and uneven, “I’m sorry to put you through this. I’m sorry to put _all_ of you through this.”

“It’s not your fault my physical construct can’t handle future vision. I’m surprised I could even-”

“Not that.” Pearl interjected, “This whole business with hunting down Lapis. This is all my fault. I overreacted and now…” her voice trailed off into a silent whimper.

Ammolite patted Pearl’s back, trying her best to sound reassuring, “C’mon now, it’s not entirely your fault. Lapis wasn’t exactly super clear about her side of the story either.”

“I know. I wish I had at least tried to talk to her before I attacked her like that. I just… _snapped_ when I saw Steven like that and I couldn’t control myself anymore.”

“Well when we find her, just tell her that. It makes sense to me.” Ammolite shrugged.

“How on earth could I expect her to believe that? She’d either think I was insane, or lying to her face. All I wanted to do was help her, Ammolite, and I went and ruined it.”

“It’s not too late.” Another voice called from the distance. 

Ammolite peaked her head above the tall grass, her eyes barely poking past, “Garnet? Did you get lost too?”

Garnet plopped down next to her teammates, “I heard you two talking and figured I’d join in.” she turned her attention to Pearl, “Pearl, if you want to help Lapis, you need to help yourself first.”

“Yeah, beating yourself up over it isn’t gonna get her out of hiding any quicker.” Ammolite added, “You made a mistake, it could be worse. I nearly burned down Beach City and killed Amethyst and Peridot, all you did was hurt someone’s feelings.” 

“I think what Purple Ammolite is trying to say, is that we all make mistakes. The best thing you can do is apologize and move on.” Garnet said.

Pearl looked around at the gems sitting beside her, taking in a deep, shaky breath as she stood up. She paced around for a moment before finally speaking up, “How am I supposed to apologize for what I said? Lapis trusted me and I turned on her the instant I could. She looked so hurt I… I wouldn’t blame her if she never forgave me.”

“That’s a risk you’ll just have to take.” Garnet said bluntly, “At best it’ll smooth the entire situation over, and at worst you’ll still have closure.”

“Sounds like a win-win to me.” Ammolite chuckled.

Pearl still wasn’t entirely convinced, “At any rate, we need to keep looking. We should probably split up again too.”

Garnet jumped to her feet, helping Ammolite up a second later. “Remember, if you find her, call us.”

“Affirmative.” Pearl nodded.

Ammolite slung an arm around Pearl’s shoulders, “You sure you don’t want me to stick with you? I could help you practise your apology! I do a pretty good Lapis impression.”

Pearl let out a weak laugh, mostly at the overly goofy face Ammolite was making, “Tempting, but this is something I should do myself, this is still my fault.”

“If you say so. And hey, if we wanna get technical, none of this would’ve happened if it wasn’t for PeridOW.” Ammolite cut herself off with a haymaker to her own ribcage, her component gems temporarily seizing partial control.

“Ammolite? What were you saying?” Pearl asked confusedly.

“Nothing.” she winced, “I’m gonna go find Steven or something.” Ammolite shuffled away, holding her side and angrily muttering to herself.

“What was that about?” Pearl asked the open air.

*

Steven continued to run, his heart pounding up into his throat. He finally slowed to a stop, nearly collapsing under himself. Steven looked around and saw nothing but the familiar, desolate field that he had been wandering through. He couldn’t see the other gems anywhere, the only new sight being several pink and red flowers dotting the ground around him. He slowly moved along the small hill, wondering how far he had gone. With no other leads to go off of, he decided to follow the flowers. Soon he found himself ankle deep in a reputable sea of blooms, their sweet scent filling the sweltering air. It wasn’t easy pushing his exhausted, sweaty body through the plants, but he forced himself forward nonetheless. He attempted to call out for Lapis, but his arid throat produced only a small bleating noise. His breaths were labored, his lungs burning. His legs trembled, every second of movement stretching on into debilitating agony. 

“I need to sit down,” he whimpered, “my body feels like its falling apart.”

Steven collapsed gracelessly into the flowers, inadvertently covering himself in pollen. Every inch of his being felt as if it were aflame, his blood boiling against his skin. In a desperate attempt to cool off, he threw his shirt off, although it provided little relief. He tried to call out for Lapis again, but his moistureless mouth couldn’t even muster an iota of sound. He could hear his heart beating in his ears, every pump sending pain through his dehydrated body. His eyelids felt heavy, as if he had been up for days on end. He couldn’t take it anymore, he needed help and he needed it fast. He shot up, only to immediately crash back down when he tried to stand on his uselessly tired legs. The combination of the impact and the oppressive heat were too much for him, as he finally began to black out.

“La….pis….help…”


End file.
